And I'm Doing Just Fine
by BalthierFan6828
Summary: An experiment from Draklor is killing Balthier, can the others save him before its too late? Balthier/Vaan Pairing, Basch/Ashe pairing, Penelo/Larsa, Vaan/Basch misunderstanding
1. Choking On Your Alibi

**New fic! (Applause) And I have no clue what it's gonna be about, so bear with me. I don't own FFXII or its characters…sadly. Sorry if people are out of character, cause they will be. Reviewing is polite! Balthier/Vaan, Vaan/Basch misunderstanding. May not be a happily ever after type of story. Rated M for cursing, MalexMale content, and basic fanfiction smut. Was listening to Mr. Brightside by the Killers when writing this so the title and chapter titles are from that song. Enjoy!**

**And I'm Doing Just Fine**

**Chapter One: Choking On Your Alibi**

Balthier's eyes narrowed angrily as he glanced at the clock. Vaan was supposed to have met him there two hours ago, and the pirate couldn't believe he'd sat there waiting on him even that long. He took another sip of Madhu, letting the thick brown liquor slowly burn his throat all the way down. The door of the Sandsea opened for the hundredth time since he'd been sitting there, and his hopes rose in his chest when he saw a glimpse of blonde hair, but it was only Penelo. He motioned her over, if anyone knew where Vaan was it would be her.

"Hey Balthier!" she bubbled gleefully, "Wow you look pissed…"

"Where is Vaan," he demanded, not even bothering to attempt to hide the anger that was bubbling to the surface.

"Umm…"

"Penelo," he warned sternly, "Where. The. Fuck. Is HE?"

The girl sighed, obviously torn between her loyalty to Vaan and her fear of the angry, drunken pirate, "I…I saw him at the inn a few hours ago…"

Balthier stared at her warily, "What are you not telling me?"

"Nothing…" she stammered, obviously lying, "I just saw him at the inn…you know…alone."

She realized her mistake when she saw Balthier's eyes widen, his fist curling so tightly around his glass of Madhu that she heard it begin to crack, "Bal…Balthier…Just calm down. It's not like that…they're just…"

Balthier cut her off midsentence, "Who?" he demanded with a snarl, "Who was he with? You better tell me Penelo!"

She gulped, "He went into Basch's room…But it's not like that! There's nothing going on between…."

She didn't get to finish before the pirate rose angrily from the table and stormed out of the Sandsea, slamming the door behind him.

Balthier was so angry he was shaking. He was seeing red, and he knew there was a chance he was literally going to kill Basch once he reached the inn. Once he got to the inn he went to his own room, reaching under his pillow and retrieving his Altair. He was shaking so badly that it took him twice as long to load it as it normally did.

"Won't he wonder where you are?" asked Basch, a little uncomfortable with Vaan's plan.

"Well, yeah, but it'll be sooo worth it when I give him this," said Vaan excitedly.

"You really love him don't you?" said Basch with a smile.

"More than anything."

"Well he _is _gonna love this earring."

"I was gonna get a regular ring but he already has so many. Did you have any trouble getting the inscription on it?"

"No," said Basch, "It was pretty simple." He thumbed the earring he'd gotten earlier at Vaan's request, _To the pirate who stole my heart, always, Vaan, _read the inscription on the large earring that almost mirrored the ones the pirate wore now, just a little more fancy.

"Do you think he knows your planning something for his birthday?" asked Basch.

"He's clueless," giggled Vaan, "He doesn't suspect a thing."

Balthier took his time making his way down the hall to Basch's room, and paused when he reached the door and listened.

"_He's clueless," he heard Vaan say; "He doesn't suspect a thing."_

That was all he needed to hear. He ignored the sharp pain in his heart, and kicked in the door with every ounce of strength he had.

Vaan and Basch were so taken aback by the sudden attack that Basch made the unfortunate choice of shoving Vaan behind him in an effort to shield the boy from whoever was invading the room. Of course to Balthier this looked like Vaan had been in the other man's arms when he entered, and was suddenly thrust away in an attempt to hide what was going on.

"Well I didn't want to believe it," sneered the pirate.

"Balthier? What are you…" began Vaan, taking a confused step toward his lover.

"Just shut up," Balthier warned, "Just don't say a fucking thing."

"Balthier," said Basch softly in an effort to calm the shaking man, "Calm down…Now I don't know what's going on here but…"

He was interrupted when Balthier aimed the Altair at his chest, "You really should consider keeping your fucking mouth shut _captain Basch_," he growled, ignoring the tears that were building in his eyes, "Because it wouldn't take a lot to make me pull this trigger."

Basch slowly raised his hands a little, but didn't say anything else.

"After everything we've been through," Balthier said through clenched teeth, not daring to look at Vaan for fear of losing control, "how could you do this to me?"

"Balthier, it's not like that," pleaded Vaan, desperate to make the older man see the truth.

The pirate kept his eyes on Basch, and the blonde could see in those cloudy brown orbs that something had snapped completely. As if Balthier wasn't even the same man anymore. He glanced at the shaking had that held the gun, which was still pointed at his chest, "Balthier, I swear to you, this is a misunderstanding," he said in the most sincere voice he had, "Don't risk losing everything over something so stupid."

The pirate managed a weak smile, "You've already taken the only thing I care about," he whispered, and pulled the trigger.

_To be continued…_

**Hope you enjoyed. Review if you want to see chapter 2: Count Your Fading Scars. **


	2. Count Your Fading Scars

**Welcome to chapter 2! Let's continue with our little story about Balthier's insane jealousy! Hope you enjoy! Reviewing earns updates…and makes you super cool….really it does **

**And I'm Doing Just Fine**

**Chapter 2: Count Your Fading Scars**

Basch thought he could hear Vaan screaming, no, that couldn't be Vaan…Penelo maybe? He opened his eyes, unsure of exactly who the blurry figures bending over him were. He tried to move, and regretted it. He could feel some type of sticky liquid all over his chest and running in a thin stream from his lips. After managing to make his arms cooperate he touched a calloused hand to his mouth, wiping away some of the liquid. _Red? _He thought, confused, and then he remembered…Balthier had shot him.

Penelo, Fran, and Ashe heard the shot from downstairs where they were all sitting, having a drink before bed. They rushed up stairs at the sound and were half way down the hall when they saw the pirate coming toward them. At first she didn't notice anything out of the ordinary, but then Penelo saw that Balthier had his gun in his hand.

"Balthier?" she asked hesitantly, a growing panic creeping into her heart.

The pirate didn't say anything, but the look on his face said it all. He was pale, covered in a thin layer of sweat. His face showed no emotion, but his eyes showed a combination of sorrow, fear, regret, and pain. He handed Fran the gun, and pushed past them slowly, walking calmly down the stairs and out into the street.

Penelo broke out into a run, trying desperately to get to Basch's room as fast as she could. She could hear the others following closely behind. Terrified that she was going to find her best friend dead, tears were already spilling down her cheeks when she entered the room. To her relief, Vaan seemed uninjured, he was kneeling on the ground, and for a moment she thought that perhaps he and Balthier had only had a fight in which a shot was fired but didn't hit anyone. Then she saw Basch. He was crumpled on the ground, a growing pool of red around him. She screamed.

"There is nothing I can do," said Fran as she knelt across from Vaan, surveying Basch's wound, "We will have to wait for him to die and raise him."

"Vaan how did this happen?" asked Ashe, who had not dared to approach her fallen friend.

The boy didn't answer for a moment, he just sat there staring at the blood on his hands, occasionally sniffing and wiping tears from his face with the back of his hand.

"Vaan?" Ashe called, louder this time, trying not to panic as the man she was beginning to think she loved lay bleeding to death before her, "I need you to tell me what happened."

The boy looked up at her, "Balthier shot him," he said, "I…I…didn't know what to…it all just happened so fast…"

"Someone should go and find Balthier," said Fran, looking up at the others, "I will take care of Captain Basch. He will be fine."

"I'll go," said Ashe, knowing she could not handle watching Basch slowly die in front of her, "Penelo, take care of Vaan," she whispered to the younger girl as she turned to leave, "See if you can calm him down."

"This is all my fault Ashe, I…I told Balthier that I saw Vaan going into Basch's room…I didn't think he'd…well…do anything like this."

Ashe gave the girl a reassuring pat on the arm, "It's not your fault Penelo, and you heard Fran, Basch will be fine. Don't worry ok?"

She didn't think anything about what Penelo had said about seeing Vaan go into the captain's room, she and Basch had been doing a strange dance over the past few weeks, and although neither of them had made any promises she felt sure that the knight had strong feelings for her…she knew she had them for him. She wasn't sure where to start looking for the pirate, for all she knew he could have taken the Strahl and left by now, but she ventured out in the street, determined to find him and figure out what was going on.

Balthier left the inn and kept walking without looking back. His anger had somewhat transformed into a hollow feeling of emptiness. Now that he'd had his revenge there was nothing left, and nowhere for him to go. He doubted even Fran would be willing to have anything to do with him after this. He walked with no real destination; his only goal was putting more and more distance between himself and the inn. He passed through the east end of the city quickly, moving into the southern plaza. His feet were moving on autopilot, leading him straight to the aerodome where the Strahl was waiting.

Ashe knew the pirate well enough to know that the first place he would head would be straight to the Strahl, so she began her search there. She was so sure that he would be there, trying his best to flee before they had a chance to get to him that she almost didn't see him as he headed toward the East gate. _Why would he be headed toward the Estersand?_ She thought, but she didn't waste any more time thinking about it before quickly following after him. She followed him out of the city at a distance, not quite sure what to say when she reached him, and a little afraid that he would attempt to kill her as well. She had no choice but to approach him when the pirate sank down into the sand, letting his back rest against a canyon wall. The desert was dark, but there was just enough light from the nearby city and the brightly lit stars that she could make out the pirate's form a short distance ahead of her. If he heard her approached he gave no sign of it, he didn't even turn his head to face her when she sank down beside him. She was almost surprised when he spoke first.

"Is Basch alright?" he asked, and she couldn't really tell by his tone if he really cared either way.

"Fran was staying nearby to raise him."

The pirate nodded, "And Vaan? I imagine watching his lover die had him quite upset."

Ashe didn't attempt to hide her surprise, "His lover?"

"Yes," Balthier muttered, leaning his head back and gazing at the stars, "It seems Captain Basch and Vaan have developed feelings for each other."

Ashe shook her head in disbelief, "That just doesn't sound right, Vaan is crazy about you…and Basch…" her voice trailed off and she looked to the ground.

Balthier turned and gave her a sympathetic look, "And Basch," he said, "had certain feelings for you. Yes I thought that myself."

Ashe nodded, "You're sure about them?" she asked, her tone begging the pirate to say no.

He nodded, "I heard them. Apparently Vaan thought it quite funny how clueless about the whole thing I was."

"I'm sorry," said Ashe, attempting to fight back the tears that had formed in her own eyes to learn that the man she had been so sure cared for her was in love with someone else. In fact she couldn't help but want to shoot Basch herself now.

Balthier attempted a halfhearted smile, "I'm an idiot," he muttered, "I knew better than to let myself get this close to someone." He saw a rogue tear escape the princess' eye, and he put his arm around her, "I'm sorry you had to learn about Basch from me," he said.

Giving up on fighting back the tears, Ashe sniffed and shook her head, "It's better that I know now," she sobbed, "I mean before it progressed any further."

He handed her a handkerchief, "I'm sorry your highness but I don't think I can help you in your quest any longer."

Ashe nodded, "I understand. I'm going to have a hell of a time continuing on myself now, having to stay and watch them," she paused for a moment to blow her nose, "You really love Vaan, don't you?"

Balthier nodded, "Seeing him with someone else would kill me. And Basch would be at the risk of being killed on a permanent basis."

Ashe attempted a sad smile, "He might still be at risk for that. Will you be ok?"

"I suppose time heals every wound," he muttered sadly, "But I'll never be able to forget him. I suppose I'll think of him every time I count the fading scars of my past."

They sat there together in the dark for a long time, and Ashe watched the Strahl take off into the darkness when Balthier announced that it was time for him to go. She almost wished she could go with him, but her duty to Dalmasca was more important than her broken heart.

_To be Continued…_

**Hope you enjoyed! Review if you'd like to see Chapter 3: Broken Hallelujah.**


	3. Broken Hallelujah

**Woot woot! Welcome to chapter 3! A few things before we begin: Sorry that the lines in this fic have been running together, for some reason the site is smashing them together and not letting me fix it. Also, I'd like to remind you all that people will be getting a little out of character, and that I still don't own any of them. Reviewing makes you awesome, and earns updates. **

**And I'm doing Just Fine**

**Chapter 3: Broken Hallelujah**

Balthier hadn't ever minded being alone much, actually, it was Ffamran who had never minded being alone. Balthier hadn't ever really been alone, and he found now that he didn't much care for it. Even before the quest he'd always had Fran. He'd hear her tinkering around the Strahl or know that if anything happened she was nearby. When they joined Ashe's quest he'd been surrounded by his companions, and at the time he wished for more alone time, but now he wished for company. And then there had been Vaan…and for the first time in his life Balthier had dared to let someone close to his heart…he vowed now that he it was a mistake he would not make twice. Still…the silence of the Strahl unnerved him. He hadn't ever thought about all the little sounds he'd taken for granted…Fran working on the engines, Penelo giggling about _everything, _Ashe rambling on and on about restoring her kingdom, Basch's heavy footfalls in the hall…Vaan…everything about Vaan he missed. His smile, the way the sun played on his hair…the way he'd always made the pirate's name on his lips sound like satin. Did it sound like that when he said Basch's name?

He paced throughout the ship, expecting to see one of them around every corner, listening as hard as he could to hear those familiar sounds…but there was only silence. He made his way back to the cockpit and threw himself down into the pilot's chair. He ran a ringed hand through his hair and sighed, what had he not given Vaan that the boy had needed so bad that he felt he had to turn to Basch? It was a question he'd asked himself a thousand times that night, and still he had no answer. The only other thing he'd wondered about more that night was whether or not Vaan was tucked safely away in Basch's arms, sleeping peacefully with his new love. The thought made tears prick at the corner of his eyes, and since he was so painfully alone anyway the broken hearted pirate sat and sobbed for quite some time.

"You could not find him?" Fran asked Ashe when the princess returned to Basch's room alone.

"I found him. We spoke for some time," she said, making a point not to look at Basch, who newly raised and healed, was waiting expectantly for her to address him.

"Well…where is he?" asked Vaan, and it angered Ashe to see him act as if he were actually concerned about where Balthier was.

"He's gone," she said smugly, keeping her eyes locked on Vaan's so that she wouldn't miss his reaction. To her surprise, he seemed genuinely upset.

"What do you mean gone?" he asked, new tears glazing over his eyes.

"He took the Strahl and left," she said, risking a glance at Basch, "and no, he didn't say where he was going. Just that he wouldn't be back."

She stood there with her arms crossed and waited for someone to speak.

"You didn't try to stop him?" asked Basch; obviously hurt that Ashe seemed not to care that he had been dead less than a half hour before.

"No, quite frankly I don't blame him," she spewed, letting her anger show, "I damn well don't blame him at all!" And with that she stormed out of the room.

The others stood in a haze of confused silence, both Fran and Penelo having already heard the truth of what had happened from Vaan and Basch.

"I think I should go speak with her," said Basch, cautiously standing up. The others nodded, everyone was aware of the unmentioned feelings the captain and princess shared.

Basch entered the princess' room without knocking, "Is it just me or does my dying not faze you in the least?" he asked with more than a hint of anger.

Ashe stood with her back to him, unwilling to let him see the tears that coursed down her face, "We've all died at least once on this journey. It's nothing new."

Basch's mouth fell open, and he quickly crossed the distance between them and grabbed her elbow, forcing her to face him, "Since when do _I _mean so little to you?" he asked, his eyes clouded with hurt.

"Since you made me think you had feelings for me when you didn't even care about me at all and were secretly fucking Vaan!" she yelled, ripping her arm from his grasp and turning her back to him once again.

Basch was silent a moment until he realized what was going on. He cursed under his breath and grabbed Ashe a second time. He spun her around, almost violently, and held her in place, his strong hands gripping her arms tightly.

She glared at him angrily, "Let go of me!" she shouted.

"No!" Basch exclaimed, his voice taking on a serious angry tone that the princess had never heard him use before, "Now listen to me, and listen good. I love you Ashelia B'nargin Dalmasca, more than anything in existence! Why the fuck do you think I've dedicated my entire life to protecting you? Huh? Goddamnit I loved you before Rasler even knew you existed, and when you married him I still stood by to make sure you were safe! I tried to protect him in battle just so you'd be happy…even if it wasn't with me. So don't you ever have a right to say I don't care about you! Ever!"

Ashe stood there, shocked by his blatant profession of love. She was so confused and happy and sad at the same time that she couldn't think of anything to say.

Basch loosened his grip on her arms. He stared at her a moment, catching his breath and letting his facial expression soften, "Vaan was planning a special thing for Balthier's birthday," he explained softly, "he asked me to get Balthier a certain special present earlier this evening," he paused a moment and pulled the earring out of his pocket where he'd hurriedly shoved it when Balthier had burst into his room earlier, "Balthier thought that Vaan had come to my room for other reasons. He is a jealous man, we all know that. He didn't give us a chance to explain before he fired. I can't say I blame him really, I'd have done the same thing if it had been you going to his room so late at night."

Ashe took the earring from his hand and read the inscription, her emotions taking two turns at once. On one hand, she knew Basch loved her and she was elated beyond what she'd ever thought she could be after Rasler's death, but on the other hand she realized that Balthier was out there somewhere feeling exactly like she had been feeling only moments before.

"Oh God, Basch," she breathed, "Balthier…he's out there…you can't imagine how upset he was…I'm afraid he might…"

"I know," interrupted Basch with a sigh, "I've been thinking the same thing. The last thing he said to me was that I'd taken the last thing in the world he cared about, I'm not sure it would be too far-fetched to think he might harm himself."

"We _have_ to find him."

"I'll speak with Fran," he said, walking toward the door, "We'll leave immediately."

"Basch?"

"Yes highness?"

"I love you too."

Basch smiled and crossed the distance between them again, he pulled her into his arms and kissed her fiercely, "Let's go make this right," he said, and they left her room hand in hand.

_To be continued…_

**Hope you enjoyed! Review if you'd like to see Chapter 4: Walk Through My Sunken Dream.**


	4. Walk Through My Sunken Dream

**Once again I do not own FFXII or its characters. Reviewing makes you awesome and earns updates! Rated M just in case. Characters will not be perfectly in character.**

**And I'm Doing Just Fine**

**Chapter 4: Walk Through My Sunken Dream**

Balthier wasn't sure exactly what it was that woke him up, but when he opened his eyes he realized that he'd fallen asleep in his chair in the cockpit. His neck and back were stiff and sore, and he stood up in an attempt to loosen his muscles. He had been headed to Balfonheim, but on the off chance that the others decided to look for him he knew that Balfonheim was the first place they would look. He'd thought long and hard about it for a while, and finally decided to head to the Paramina Rift. There was no reason for him to go there, so it would be one of the last places anyone would look for him. Although he thought it doubtful the others would care where he was.

Taking the ship off autopilot, he settled back down into his chair. Although flying the ship instantly improved his mood, he still couldn't get used to being so alone. He continuously caught himself glancing over to the co-pilot's chair for Fran or Vaan. The thought of the blonde teen quickly killed what little peace that flying the Strahl had given him. _I wonder if he ever thinks of me_, he thought, _probably only thinks about how much he hates me for shooting Basch._ He shook off the feeling of guilt that welled up in him every time he thought of older man, Basch had asked for it. Everyone knew damn well that Vaan was _his_, and his only. The thought almost made him want to shoot him again.

"We're never going to find him if we have to keep taking public airships," whined Penelo.

"Any idea where we should look next?" asked Basch, more to Fran than anyone, "I was sure he would have headed straight for Balfonheim. I have no idea where to look now."

Fran shook her head, "I too thought we would find him at Balfonheim. I think he may have known this and avoided going there for that reason."

"You're sure he didn't say where he was thinking about going?" said Penelo, turning to Ashe.

Ashe shook her head, "No, I don't think even he knew where he was headed. He…he was very upset," she added quietly, glancing sympathetically at Vaan, who had barely said a word since they'd left Rabanastre.

Basch sighed and began to pace back and forth, "Goddamnit Balthier could be anywhere!"

"You're looking for Balthier? The sky pirate?"

Basch turned around at interruption and found himself starring into the eyes of a rather dirty looking Bangaa, "You know Balthier?" he asked the creature, eyeing him warily.

"Not personally, no," he replied, "But I know of him, seen him not a day and a half ago."

"You saw Balthier?" exclaimed Vaan, snapping his head up excitedly, "Where? Where did you see him?"

"Can't rightly remember," muttered the Bangaa with a mischievous smile, "My memory isn't so good these days. Of course it might improve for the right price…"

Basch scowled, "How do we know you really saw him?"

"I suppose you don't. But unless you plan on covering the whole of Ivalice before finding him you don't have much of a choice but to trust me."

"How much do you want?" asked Fran, rising to stand next to Basch.

"Ten thousand gil should jog my memory."

Basch's mouth fell open, "Ten thousand? That's ridiculous! There's no way we're giving you that much."

"Pay him," interrupted Vaan.

"Vaan…"

"Pay him Basch!"

The captain sighed and paid the Bangaa, "Tell us what you know, and don't lie…you've been well paid for this information, we deserve the truth."

"I saw him in Bhujerba, day before yesterday," said the Bangaa, counting his gil, "but I doubt he'll still be there now."

"That's it?" growled Basch, "We paid you ten thousand gil for that?"

The Bangaa held up his hand, "I'm not finished. When I saw him in Bhujerba he was installing a new kind of radar on his ship…one that is specifically made to navigate through intense snow storms."

"The Paramina Rift," smiled Basch, "He's gone to the Paramina Rift."

Balthier sat the Strahl down in the snowy Paramina Rift, not far from the frozen brook. It had been nearly three days since he'd left Rabanastre, and now that he had reached his destination he wasn't quite sure what to do. He supposed he would just stay there for a while until he felt more like his old self again, but he wasn't sure that he would ever feel like that again. He busied himself with tinkering on the engines for a while, and then took a shower that was ridiculously long. He started to dress, meticulous as always. After pulling on a crisp new white shirt he stopped, staring at himself in the mirror._ No point in dressing up,_ he thought,_ it's just you here._ He left the shirt unbuttoned and put his gold and black vest back into the closet. He didn't bother to put on his jewelry or gel his hair, it just didn't seem important anymore. Pulled from his thoughts by the growling of his stomach, he made his way to the kitchen._ Have I eaten since I left Rabanastre?_ he wondered, but honestly couldn't remember. He made a sandwich, but couldn't bring himself to eat it, opting for a bottle of Madhu instead. He made his way back to the cockpit and sat down, propping his feet up on the control panel, and quickly got started on drinking himself to sleep.

After paying the Bangaa so much gil to find out where Balthier had headed the others had only enough money left to rent three chocobos on which to venture out into the rift. They had not been traveling through the snowy terrain long, but Ashe was already freezing. She snuggled closer to Basch, who was sitting behind her holding the bird's reigns.

"Cold?" he asked.

She nodded, wrapping her arms around herself tightly. He kissed her neck gently and pulled her closer, "Hopefully we'll find him soon," he said.

Ashe sighed, "If he hasn't left by now." She looked over at Vaan, who looked pitiful as he rode alongside them with Penelo, just a short distance away. "Do you think they'll be alright?" she asked, "Surely Balthier will believe him."

"I don't know," said Basch, shaking his head, "I hope so. They do care for each other a great deal."

"And you're not at all mad that Balthier shot you?"

Basch chuckled, "I never said I wasn't mad about it, I just said I'd have done the same thing. There's a difference."

"He asked about you," she said, surprising him a little with the information, "When I found him before he left Rabanastre. The first thing he said to me was to ask if you were alright."

Basch frowned, "Vaan should have asked Penelo to get the earring for him. We all know how jealous and protective Balthier is of Vaan; it was careless on our part."

Balthier couldn't fall asleep without dreaming of the blonde desert boy who owned his heart. He cracked open another bottle of Madhu, knowing he'd regret getting this drunk in the morning. He wished he'd gone somewhere besides the rift, somewhere where he could have gotten a room. There were just too many memories aboard the Strahl. Only a week before he and Vaan had sitting there together…

"_Where will we go when this is all over?" _

"_Anywhere you want," Balthier had answered, pulling the thief down into his lap._

_Vaan smiled, "Fran won't mind having me along will she?"_

"_She won't mind," chuckled the older man. His smile faded and he became serious, "I'm glad you decided to come with me when this is all over Vaan," he said, gently pushing a stray lock of blonde hair behind the boy's ear._

_The blonde smiled, "You don't think I'd let you run off without me do you?"_

"_I love you Vaan."_

"_I love you too Balthier. It'll be just like a dream, you wait and see."_

The pirate sighed and took a large gulp of the potent brown liquor, "It would have been like a dream Vaan," he said aloud as he rose and walked through his sunken dream, he was going to need more liquor…

_To Be Continued…_

**Hope you enjoyed! Review please! Stay tuned for chapter 5: Past The Point of Reality.**


	5. Past the Point of Reality

**Ah…chapter 5. Welcome! Reviewing makes you awesome, not reviewing makes you rude…enjoy!**

**And I'm Doing Just Fine**

**Chapter 5: Past the Point of Reality**

Balthier was starting to see things. He wasn't sure how much Madhu he'd gone through in the past week or so but the empty bottles that littered the floor of the Strahl told him it was a lot. He wasn't sure if it was the loneliness driving him crazy or just the grief of having lost Vaan, but every now and then he thought he heard or saw the boy running along the corridors of the ship.

"Oh thank the gods!" cried Ashe as the Strahl came into view, they had been traveling for more days than she cared to count.

Basch loosened his grip on the princess in an attempt to warm his cold, stiff fingers before wrapping his arms around her again, "Now we just have to hope he doesn't shoot any of us."

"I think you're the only one he wants to kill Basch," said Penelo as she shivered in the cold.

"True. Still, I'd rather not get shot right now. Maybe we should send in a Fran first, see if she can calm him down?"

Fran nodded, "That would probably be best."

Fran entered the ship cautiously, "Balthier?" she called out as she stepped cautiously over several empty Madhu bottles that littered the floor. She was surprised at the state of disarray that the Strahl was in. The place was filthy, and Balthier had always been a little too OCD when it came to his ship being clean. The floor was littered with a combination of empty bottles, broken dishes, and even one of the pirate's best shirts. She made her way to Balthier's room, finding it empty and just as destroyed as the rest of the ship. Her sensitive ears picked up a tiny noise coming from the direction of the cockpit, so she followed the sound. Sure enough Balthier was in the cockpit, lounging in the pilot's chair. She'd never seen him look the way he looked now. He was stripped bare to the waist, his scarred chest and stomach covered in tiny chill bumps. His hair was messy and hadn't been gelled into place like she had always seen it, and his signature jewelry was nowhere to be seen. His eyes were duller than they used to be, like they had lost the spark of confidence and swag that had made the pirate who he was.

"Balthier?" she asked cautiously.

He stared at her indifferently, as if she were not there at all. She knelt down beside him and gently ran her fingers through his hair, "Balthier, it's me. I've come to get you."

He still sat silently, starring at her.

"Talk to me Balthier."

"I can't. You're not real. If I talk to you that makes me crazy…my father's crazy you know…maybe I am crazy," he stammered, raising a bottle of Madhu to his lips.

Fran didn't say anything for a moment, "Oh Balthier…," she couldn't think of anything else to say. Her heart broke as she looked at her pitiful partner, broken and half mad with grief, "Wait here alright?"

"Nowhere for me to go," he muttered.

She made her way back to the others who were still waiting outside in the cold.

"Well?" asked Ashe expectantly, "He isn't going to shoot anyone if we go in is he?"

Fran sighed, "We have a little problem," she said, "Balthier is…well…you will just have to see for yourselves, but no, I do not think he will harm anyone."

The others stared at her blankly for a moment before dismounting their chocobos and following her up the ramp of the ship.

"Prepare yourselves," Fran warned before allowing the others to follow her inside.

"Holy shit," muttered Basch as they navigated through the trashed ship, slowly making their way to the cockpit.

Fran paused at the door, "I'd suggest you not excite him too much. I am unsure of the extent of the damage he's caused to himself."

"Fran you're freaking me out," whimpered Vaan.

The viera looked at him a moment, "I must say I am quite disturbed myself."

She opened the door and returned to the pirate's side. He did not look up to acknowledge their presence, but sat there sipping his Madhu and starring off into space.

"Balthier!" exclaimed Vaan, running to his lover's side, "Are you ok? I was so worried about you!"

The pirate turned to face the boy, no emotion in his face, "My psyche would have to torment me by conjuring you up, but I must say I'm surprised it would bring _him_ with you," he snarled, giving Basch a menacing glance.

"Balthier," sighed Basch, "We're here to explain. This is all a big misunderstanding!"

"I suppose it runs in the family," muttered the pirate to himself, not acknowledging the older man's comment.

"What are you talking about?" asked Vaan, his stomach sinking as he looked at what had become of the man he loved.

"I was always afraid I'd end up just like him…and now it's happened."

Whatever Balthier was muttering about, it was clear that Fran did not want the others to understand it.

"Hush Balthier," she whispered, "You are rambling."

"You're _my_ delusion dearest, so I'll say whatever the hell I want," he snapped. Fran sighed, and the pirate's tone softened as he gave her a look that Basch thought looked as if the pirate were afraid, "You don't think I'll end up like him do you Fran?"

The viera looked sad, "No Balthier. I do not think you will ever be like him."

"Like who?" asked Vaan, "What is he talking about Fran?"

"Now is not the time to discuss such things," she said, eyeing him sternly.

Balthier ignored her and turned to face the boy, "Don't worry Vaan. Basch will take care of you, I mean I know I shot the son of a bitch but now I see he's better for you. I would have just ended up just like Cid and before long you'd be a scarred as I am."

"What? Who?" stammered Vaan.

"Dr. Cid," the pirate said, giving the boy a confused look as if he should have known what he was talking about, "My father."

Fran sighed and bowed her head, Vaan and Penelo starred wide eyed, Ashe covered her mouth and took almost lost her footing.

"Holy fucking shit," murmured Basch as he approached the pirate cautiously, "Fran? Is this true?"

"Does it matter?" she asked a hint of anger in her voice.

"Yes! I mean no! I mean…" he stammered, "I just think we have a right to know."

"Very well, if you insist," she said, looking from Basch to the others, "It's true, but I think you all should consider how much Balthier has done…"

She was interrupted by Balthier, "Ffamran," he muttered, "I might as well be Ffamran if I'm just like him anyway."

Fran sighed, wishing to the gods that Balthier would just shut up for a while, "Balthier, stop this. You know better than this."

"Who is Ffamran?" asked Penelo, who hadn't spoken since they'd entered the ship.

"Ffamran is his real name," said Fran, giving the pirate a sympathetic look as she petted his head as if he were a child, "He changed it to Balthier before I met him, when he left Cid's house…and gave up being a judge."

"Fucking hell Fran is there anything else we should know about!" bellowed Basch.

"I think that covers it," she said, closer to anger than the others had ever seen her.

Balthier was silent through this little exchange, still staring off into space as if the others weren't there at all.

"Balthier?" questioned Vaan lovingly, forcing the pirate to look at him, "It's ok. Everything is gonna be ok. I love you."

The pirate gave the boy a sad smile, "I love you too Vaan. I wish you were really here."

Fran sadly shook her head, "He is past the point of reality."

"What are we going to do?" asked Ashe.

No one had an answer.

_To be continued…_

**Yeah I know that was random, but it was stuck in my head. Reviewing makes you awesome! Stay tuned for chapter 6, the title of which I haven't decided yet.**


	6. Standing in the Wake of Devastation

**Last chapter? Hmmm…probably not, but we'll see. Still rated M (just in case) and I still don't own FFXII or its characters. Reviewing makes you super awesome! Enjoy. All chapter titles are random song lyrics from different songs.**

**And I'm Doing Just Fine**

**Chapter 6: Standing in the Wake of Devastation**

Penelo had aimlessly started to pick up the broken glass and empty bottles that littered the floor of the Strahl, while Ashe, Vaan, and Basch sat nearby in silence, waiting for Fran to emerge from the pirate's room. No one had said much of anything for a while, and Fran had been in Balthier's room for quite some time now.

Basch wondered if the young sky pirate would be alright. He had expected to find him in bad shape, they all had, but none of them had quite expected to find him this far gone. At least he wasn't violent, in fact, he hadn't even protested when Basch had picked him up and carried him to his room because he was nearly too weak to walk himself. He rose from his seat and began to pace back and forth.

"What's taking so long?" he grumbled.

"She worries about him," said Penelo, picking up another cluster of bottles, "he's her partner."

"We're all worried Penelo!" he snapped.

The girl looked at him with raised eyebrows, "You feel responsible for all this, don't you?"

Basch stopped pacing and looked up at her, "I am responsible."

"Why do you always do this?"

"Do what?"

"Shoulder the guilt for everything!," Penelo snapped, "News flash Basch, it wasn't your fault Reks died, or that Rasler died, worrying about Larsa and Ashe every moment of every day isn't your job, and it certainly isn't your fault that Balthier has gone completely bonkers!" Her features softened a bit as the others stared at her open mouthed, "It's not your job to take care of all of us Basch. I know you feel like you have to protect us all from every little thing but just calm down and relax for once…and stop blaming yourself for every bad thing that's ever happened."

Basch looked as if he were about to argue with her, but was interrupted when Fran entered the room, "I believe I have convinced him that we are really here," she said, taking a seat beside Ashe.

"I should go talk to him," Vaan said, getting up and starting to walk off.

"No," Fran said as she grabbed his wrist, "He wants to talk to Basch. No one else."

Vaan was about to argue, but only nodded, "Not shocked he doesn't want to talk to me."

Basch couldn't help but wonder if Balthier was planning on killing him once he got him alone, but he didn't mention this to the others. He made his way to the pirate's room slowly, silently wondering why in all Ivalice Balthier would choose him to talk to. He knocked on the door gently, but there was no answer. For a moment he thought that perhaps the pirate had fallen asleep, and he almost turned around and left, but just to be sure he knocked again.

"Basch? Is that you?"

Basch winced at how weak and frail the other man's voice sounded, "It's me, you…um…wanted to talk to me?"

"Come in Basch, don't worry, I've no intention of shooting you."

The blonde sighed and opened the door. The room looked somewhat clean compared to the rest of the ship, and he didn't have much trouble navigating his way over to the bed where the pirate was laying. Basch pulled a chair from the corner and sat down in beside the bed, "How are you feeling?"

A smirk crossed the young pirate's face, "Physically or mentally?"

"Both I suppose."

"Horrible, on both counts then," muttered Balthier, struggling to sit up.

Basch helped the younger into a sitting position, "I found it strange that you wished to speak with me."

Balthier studied him for a moment, "I wanted to tell you I'm somewhat sorry I shot you, though part of me only regrets that you're still alive…nothing personal captain, You're quite likeable…but pirates do not appreciate others playing with their things."

"Balthier, I do not begrudge your shooting me; however, I think you should know that I'm quite head over heels in love with Ashe," he watched the pirate for a moment before continuing, "And there is not now, nor has there ever been the slightest thing going on between myself and Vaan." He pulled the engraved earring he had picked up for Vaan out of his pocket, "He came to my room to get this," he said, handing the earring to Balthier, "It was meant to be a surprise for your birthday."

Balthier studied the earring for a long while, "Are you trying to tell me this is all just a big misunderstanding?"

"That's exactly what I'm telling you."

The pirate closed his eyes and sighed, "You have no idea what this has been like."

"Are you kidding me?" laughed Basch, "I had to be the best man at Ashe and Rasler's wedding! Imagine sitting through that and having to pretend you're happy for them! And I didn't get the satisfaction of shooting him either!"

Balthier smiled, "Fine you win, but still…"

Basch smiled, "But hey now you and Vaan can get back to living happily ever after!"

"No, Vaan and I will not be continuing our relationship."

"What?" exclaimed the captain, "Balthier what the hell are you talking about?"

Balthier sighed, "It's better if I let him go now…if anything were to happen to him…I…I don't know what I'd do. And he's just a child; sooner or later he's going to realize he didn't so much love me as just have a child's infatuation with me."

"You are a fucking idiot Balthier."

The pirate looked at him, a little shocked, "Excuse me?"

"You heard me. You're a fucking idiot. That boy does not have a child's infatuation Balthier; he loves you, apparently a lot more than you love him because I'd never hear him saying such foolish things!"

"You've no right to say that Basch! I do love him, more than I've ever loved anyone in my life!"

"And that's why you're leaving him?"

"Yes."

"Like I said you're a fucking idiot."

"You've got room to talk! You've been in love with Ashe for years and still haven't even gotten brave enough to tell her!"

"For your information I did tell her! I had to after you told her I was fucking Vaan!"

Balthier glared at the older man, "In my defense, I did hear you two being awfully close."

"See now that's bullshit!" yelled Basch, standing up and pointing a finger at Balthier, "Nothing we said could have been construed as such either!"

"Oh really?" questioned the pirate, rising from his bed, "Not even 'He's clueless…he has no idea'? What was that all about?"

"He was talking about the surprised for your birthday!"

"You expect me to believe that?"

Basch sighed and spun on his heels and left the room. He was in sight of the others before he realized that Balthier had followed him.

"Vaan will you please tell him that you and I are NOT fucking!" yelled Basch.

Vaan didn't have a chance to answer before Balthier spoke again, "Oh Christ Basch, don't put words in his mouth. You probably gave him some bullshit story about how close you and his brother were and tricked him into sleeping with you!"

Balthier quickly crossed the distance between himself and Vaan and grabbed the boy's wrist, "And I'll tell you what Basch, if you ever come near him again I'll kill you beyond the power of any spell in Ivalice!" He stood behind the boy now, and wrapped his arms around him tightly, glaring at Basch as if daring him to try and touch Vaan.

"He's telling the truth Balthier," said Ashe, rising to stand beside Basch, "Basch show him the earring, tell him what really happened."

"I did," he said, crossing his arms, "It would appear he doesn't believe me."

_To Be Continued…_

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	7. As the World Falls Down

**Welcome! Reviewing makes you awesome!**

**And I'm Doing Just Fine**

**Chapter 7: As the World Falls Down**

Balthier kept his arms wrapped tightly around Vaan as if he were sure that Basch was going to try and take him away from him any moment. He and Basch stared at each other for several minutes, both looking as if they wanted to kill one another.

"This is ridiculous," said Ashe, finally breaking the silence, "Balthier, they are telling the truth. Vaan loves you…and I know you love him so just cut it out!"

The pirate cut his eyes in her direction, but didn't respond, and he didn't loosen his grip on Vaan.

"Balthier," she warned in a stern voice, "You told me yourself you didn't know how you were going to live without him…don't fuck it up now that he's come all this way looking for you."

He looked at her a moment more before letting his grip on the boy loosen a tiny bit, letting his face nuzzle into the nape of Vaan's neck gently, but he still clung to the boy, and Ashe thought that maybe he really was a little afraid that someone was going to take him away.

Fran was the only person in the world who could tell when Balthier was on the verge of tears, and she saw now that she needed to intervene for the sake of his pride, "Why don't we give these two some alone time," she said, positioning herself between the pirate and the rest of the group, shielding his face from their eyes.

They nodded and began to walk off in different directions, and Basch gave Balthier a reassuring pat on the shoulder as he walked off, letting the younger man know that he held no grudge. Vaan didn't turn around to face the pirate, but stood still, letting him bury his face into the back of his neck. He closed his eyes as he felt Balthier's tears begin to run down between his shoulder blades.

"Vaan?"

Balthier's voice sounded so pitiful that it broke his heart, "Yeah?"

"You swear?"

"I swear Balthier," he said, finally turning around to face the pirate, "Basch only has eyes for Ashe, and my heart hasn't ever belonged to anyone but you."

Balthier nodded, "I'm sorry Vaan, I shouldn't have doubted you…I just…pirates are a bit possessive."

"I've noticed."

"You're not mad?"

Vaan seemed to think a moment, "No, but you should apologize to Basch, he's been busting his ass trying to find you…and you did shot him after all."

Balthier smiled, "You love me?"

"Maybe just a little," Joked Vaan, wrapping his arms around the pirate's neck and pulling him in for a kiss, "Happy birthday by the way."

"My birthday was three days ago."

"Not my fault you ran off…well maybe it was a little my fault."

Balthier shook his head, "No, none of this was your fault Vaan; it's just that every time I think about him touching you…"

"Hey," said Vaan, "Basch has never touched me so just get that thought out of your head. Now go and talk to him…and no fighting, I'll be waiting in our room when you're done."

Balthier gave him a seductive smile, "I won't keep you waiting."

"Basch?"

The blonde nodded to the pirate in acknowledgement, "You don't have to say anything Balthier."

The pirate stood there a moment before speaking, "I guess I'm sorry I shot you…and for not believing you about Vaan."

"We all know you're a jealous man Balthier. I take it you believe me now?"

The pirate ran a ringed hand through his hair, "I guess I don't have a reason not to. You don't seem quite as pissed off as I thought you might be you know."

"I'm more pissed that you felt the need to lie to us about who you are. We deserved to know the truth. Why didn't you just tell us?"

"I doubt you all would have trusted me very much if you knew who my father was."

"You're not like him Balthier," Basch paused a moment, "That's the real reason you're thinking about leaving him isn't it?"

"I don't think I could leave him if I tried to be honest," sighed Balthier, "He'd be better off if I did though."

"You didn't answer the question."

"I've been seeing things Basch…I think maybe I'm more like him than I thought, and what if I end up just like him…what happens to Vaan then?"

"What do you mean seeing things?"

"Just what I said. Before you guys showed up I kept seeing things…I'd see Vaan running through the ship. I'd hear you guys, all of you, like you were here the whole time."

"Balthier you were just upset. Things like that can happen when you're really stressed out."

"I don't think so Basch. It was real enough that I couldn't even tell you guys were real when you showed up."

Basch sighed and ran his hand through his hair, "You honestly think something is wrong with you?"

"Insanity can be hereditary, and I think my father definitely qualifies as insane."

"Go to bed Balthier, if you see anything else now that you and Vaan have made up let me know and I'll find a way to help you. Just don't do anything rash, I still think this is all just stress related."

Balthier nodded, "I hope your right."

"Get some sleep Balthier."

He forgot his fears as he made love to Vaan, and he was beginning to think that perhaps Basch was right as he drifted off to sleep with the boy in his arms.

It was a crashing sound that woke him up. He figured it was only one of the others stumbling over the mess he'd made of the Strahl, but he followed the noise just to make sure no fiends had somehow gotten aboard the ship.

_It must be Fran_ he thought_, the noises are coming from the engine room. She'd be the only one who would be in there. _

"Fran?"

The noises stopped, but there was no answer.

"Fran?"

There was barely enough light to see by, and Balthier was starting to think that perhaps some animal had found its way onto the Strahl, after all if Fran had been in the room there was no reason for her not to answer him when he called to her.

"Hello Ffamran."

Balthier spun around at the sound of the hauntingly familiar voice calling him by his old name. A lump formed in his throat at the site of his father standing before him.

"You're not real," he managed to stammer.

"Of course I'm not," chuckled Cid, "I must say Ffamran; I didn't quite expect you to lose it this early."

_To Be Continued…_

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	8. Don't Be My Friend

**And…we're…back. Remember that reviewing makes you super cool. Sorry things are still getting smashed together. Enjoy.**

**And I'm Doing Just Fine**

**Chapter 8: Don't Be My Friend**

"Basch! Basch, for fuck's sake wake up!" Balthier pleaded loudly as he shook the blonde captain violently, "Fucking wake up now!"

Basch slowly opened his eyes and sat up, "Balthier? What in hell is wrong with you? Do you have any idea what time it is?"

"I need your help!"

"Calm down and tell me what's wrong."

"I was right Basch," stammered Balthier, "I am crazy, I told you!"

"What are you talking about?" grumbled Basch, rubbing the sleep from his eyes, "I told you, you're not crazy Balthier….it's just…."

The panicked pirate cut him off, "I saw my father."

"A dream…"

"No, I was awake Basch. I heard noises and when I followed them it was him…and he talked to me."

Basch looked at the pirate seriously, "You're sure?" he asked gravely.

Balthier nodded, "What am I supposed to do?"

The older man put a hand on the pirate's shoulder, "I don't know to be honest. Perhaps we should seek Fran's counsel on the matter."

"I don't want Vaan to know…not yet anyway."

Basch nodded, wishing for Balthier's sake that the young man would catch a break eventually, "I won't say anything, besides we have to make sure you're actually having any mental…difficulties…before we panic."

"Basch I just talked to my father, who laughed at me and explained to me that, no, he wasn't real and that I'm crazy! I think now is a perfectly good time to panic!"

Basch sighed, "Don't do anything rash Balthier. I know it is your nature to pick up and run at times like this, but don't even think about it. I'm not chasing you all over Ivalice again, and it isn't fair to Vaan. I'll have no qualms about tying you up if I think you are planning on leaving."

If looks could kill, Basch would have been very dead, "Are you going to help me or not?"

"Of course I'm going to help you. And we have plenty of time before we reach the Nabreus Deadlands where Vaan's mark is, to figure out what is wrong with you. Now hand me my shirt, we'll go and wake Fran."

He handed him the shirt that was thrown over the nearby chair, suddenly realizing he'd forgotten to put on his own shirt before investigating the noises he'd heard earlier. Once he realized this, he began to notice the cold that was creeping across his chest and stomach. Basch must have noticed because he grabbed another shirt from somewhere nearby and handed it to him. It felt strange to be wearing Basch's clothes, but Balthier was so glad to be warm that he didn't think much of it.

They woke Fran, who listened to Balthier's story patiently, and then was quite for a long time.

"I felt something was amiss as soon as we found the Strahl," she said finally, "I did not expect though, the state that you were in. I must admit I feared for your mind."

"So you think I'm crazy too?" asked the pirate, obviously a little sad by her words.

"No, but I think you will be if you don't seek help soon. You have been under too much stress of late, this quest has done naught for your nerves."

"Don't make me sound like an old man, Fran. Now what can we do?"

"There is a medication we viera make. I believe it can help you. _If_ you can learn to feel your 'spells' of insanity coming on and take two of the pills before it starts."

"And can you make the medication here, aboard the Strahl?" asked Basch hopefully.

Fran cocked her head to one side, "I believe so. I will begin immediately."

Relieved, both men returned to bed and fell asleep almost instantly.

"Are you wearing Basch's clothes?" asked Vaan as he watched Balthier crawl out of bed beside him that morning.

Balthier looked down at the shirt he had borrowed from Basch, and had obviously forgotten to return before crawling back into bed with Vaan, "Uh, well yes I suppose it is his shirt. It must have gotten put into the wrong basket after the laundry was done."

Vaan crossed his arms and frowned, "I know what your clothes look like Balthier. They all look exactly the same. You wouldn't have mistaken that for your shirt. You don't even own a red shirt!"

The pirate seemed to think a moment, "Well I suppose I was so tired last night, and it was so dark that I just didn't notice."

Vaan didn't argue, but he obviously wasn't happy with Balthier's excuse, and he didn't bother to ask why he had gotten up in the middle of the night and not come back for over an hour. He told himself not to be silly, especially after how upset Balthier had been at thinking of anyone else touching him. He pushed the thought from his mind, and began to dress for the day ahead.

It was around noon when Fran handed Balthier a small bottle of pills.

"You must let me know when only half of them are left so that I can arrange to make more," she instructed, "And don't forget to take them…especially when you are upset."

He nodded and inspected the bottle, wondering where he could hide them so that Vaan wouldn't see them. The fact that they shared a room didn't help matters. Of course he could always have Basch keep them in his room, that way there was no risk of Vaan stumbling on them and asking questions. He decided that was the best idea, and so he ventured off to find the older man. He found him in the Strahl's main room reading, but unfortunately he wasn't alone. Ashe, Penelo, and Vaan were sitting nearby chatting quietly.

"Uh, Basch," he said, drawing everyone's attention to him, "I need your help with uh…something."

Basch nodded as he got up, walking ahead of Balthier down the hall and out of sight. The pirate tried not to notice the angry glare that Vaan was giving him as he followed the older man out of the room.

"I need you to keep these for me."

Basch nodded and put the pills in his desk drawer, "I am glad to see that Fran was able to make them. How are you feeling?"

"Ok. I think I've upset Vaan though. It seems I got into bed last night still wearing your shirt."

Basch frowned, "I'll mention loaning it to you in passing. Perhaps that will ease his mind."

"I'd appreciate it."

"One thing after another around here isn't it?" asked the captain.

Balthier chuckled, "You have no idea."

"I wonder what that was all about," said Ashe to no one in particular once the two men had left the room.

"Not sure," said Vaan, "But Balthier got up last night and was gone for over an hour…and when he left he wasn't wearing a shirt. When he came back he was wearing Basch's shirt."

Ashe frowned, "That's odd."

"I know," said Vaan, "he gave me some lame ass lie about laundry getting mixed up too."

"Oh please you two," snapped Penelo, "You guys are all so damn jealous and paranoid that you're creating scenarios without having all the facts. Did it ever dawn on you that Balthier borrowed the shirt?"

"Why would he borrow a shirt from Basch? He has plenty of his own clothes right down the hall," said Ashe.

Penelo didn't have an answer, "I don't know. All I'm saying is don't create problems for yourselves. And besides you need to be focused on that mark we're going to hunt, it's supposed to be really fierce."

"You're right," sighed Vaan, "It's just as stupid for me to be thinking shit like that as it was when he thought _I_ had something going on with Basch."

**Two Weeks Later**

Balthier awoke in a cold sweat and rolled out of bed, stumbling down the hall to Basch's room he tried to block out the hoard of voices that were screaming at him. His 'spells', as Fran called them, had gotten much worse over the last week. The pills helped, but he couldn't feel it coming on quick enough, and he usually couldn't get to his meds before a slew of voices or apparitions tortured him for a few minutes. He flung open Basch's door, once again grateful that the princess still slept in her own quarters. He fumbled with the desk drawer where he knew his pills were, and finally got it open, but his hands were shaking so badly that he couldn't get the small bottle open. His noisy efforts woke the sleeping captain, who took the bottle from his shaking hands and opened it. He poured two pills into his calloused hand and started to hand them to the pirate, but Balthier had already sunk to his knees, no longer able to stand. The headaches that came with his 'spells' always left the pirate literally unable to stand or even crawl most of the time, and Basch was beginning to think that he and Fran were not going to be able to keep his secret from the others much longer. Putting down the bottle, he crouched next to the shaking pirate and put the pills into his mouth. Balthier swallowed them, but was still shaking and sweating, unable to stand. Basch sat back against the bed and put his arms around the younger man, pulling him close so that Balthier's back was resting against his bare chest. He rubbed the pirate's temples in slow circles like Fran had showed him to do when the pirate had first started getting the headaches, and Balthier let his head fall back onto Basch's chest, his fingers grabbing at the legs of the older man's pants as he struggled with the pain. Neither of them said anything, this had been their routine nearly every night for a week, and every day the pain seemed to grow worse.

Ashe had just wanted to hear Basch's voice after the nightmare she'd had, so she got up and made her way down the hall to his room. She hadn't quite gotten to his open door when he and Balthier came into view. Luckily the hallway was dark, and the angle at which she was standing shielded her from their view. Both men were shirtless, and Basch was sitting behind the pirate on the floor, the younger man sitting back between his legs and resting his head on Basch's chest. Basch had one hand gripped tightly around the younger man's chest, almost as if he were holding him up, and the other hand was rubbing his temple lightly. Balthier, obviously in extreme pain, was gripping the legs of Basch's pants tightly, his eyes closed, oblivious to the tears that streamed down his face. She didn't know what was going on, bit it looked serious, and she didn't know why, but she backed away from the door silently and then ran back to her room.

_To be continued…_

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	9. There is no pain

**Woo hoo another chapter! Hope you enjoy, and Pleasssssse review!**

**And I'm Doing Just Fine**

**Chapter 9: There is no pain**

It somewhat shocked Ashe to see Balthier stroll into the Strahl's kitchen the next morning looking just and calm, collected, and charming as always. He almost seemed happy as he kissed Vaan lightly on the forehead and grabbed a mug from a shelf to fix his tea. If she looked hard enough she supposed she could see tiny circles under his eyes from lack of sleep, but other than that there was no sign of what she had witnessed the night before. She thought about just flat out asking Basch about it, but the way that they both seemed to be making a point not to mention anything about it made her wonder if Basch would even tell her the truth. She watched the pirate intently as he drank his morning tea, seemingly as if he'd had a relaxing night's sleep the night before.

"Did you sleep alright?" she finally asked the pirate, who now sat across from her.

He looked a little surprised that she'd ask, "I suppose so, why do you ask?"

She shrugged, "You just look a little tired."

He didn't say anything as he eyed her warily over his steaming mug.

"How about you Vaan? Sleep well?" she asked, a little too much fake cheer in her voice as she tried to throw the pirate's suspicion off her.

"Hmm?" purred the boy, his mouth full of fruit, "Oh, me? No not really, Balthier gets up in the middle of the night too much and it wakes me up," he said innocently, not catching the looks that both Basch and Balthier shot in his direction.

"I get thirsty at night," said Balthier.

"You should keep some water next to your bed," said Ashe, locking eyes with the pirate again.

"I'll keep that in mind," he said flatly, and she knew that he was aware of her probing. She could see it in his eyes.

Basch swore he hadn't mentioned anything to Ashe, and so Balthier shrugged her annoying questions and started his day's routine. He felt a little tired, but that was all. Basch had insisted that he keep two of his pills in his pocket during the day, just in case, so Balthier hoped the day would go without incident. Not only were the headaches cripplingly painful, but the voices of his past's endless taunts that rang through his head were enough to make him want to put a bullet in his brain. He shook the dismal thoughts from his mind and sat down in his pilot's chair, ignoring the maintenance report that Nono had left for him to read, flying always made everything better.

_Kupo, Everything on the Strahl checks out and is ready for departure. Thought you should know one of the moogles saw an imperial guard messing around near the ship. We checked over everything, and nothing seems to have been tampered with. Just thought you should know Kupo._

_Nono_

Deep within coils of the Strahl a small orange crystal burned brightly. No one on board knew of its existence, or of the power it contained, but as it continued to glow a certain sky pirate's condition worsened. It began to glow brighter, emitting a low eerie sound and…

Balthier could feel the pain in his head coming at him at full force. He tried to make his hands work, tried to get the pills from his pocket, but the pain was so intense… The Strahl lurched violently to one side as he toppled from the pilot's chair onto the floor of the cockpit. He was soon aware of strong arms pulling him up, and he could hear voices, but the pain was so intense that he couldn't tell who they belonged to.

When the Strahl lurched to one side so violently it sent everyone running to the cockpit. Basch and Fran ran with greater determination, attempting to reach the pirate before the others could see what Basch knew in his gut was going on. He silently sent up a prayer to every god he could remember, hoping against hope that Balthier would not be in the middle of one of his "spells" when they got to him. His prayers went unanswered.

Balthier was writhing on the floor of the cockpit, the pain evident on his face. It was worse than the night before, Basch could tell that much as he knelt down and gathered the broken pirate into his arms.

"What's wrong with him?" cried a nearly sobbing Vaan.

Basch and Fran said nothing, neither of them wanting to break their promise to Balthier.

"Something's going on," said Ashe flatly as she gave Basch an angry look he knew only too well, "I think it's time you two told us the truth."

"What truth?" asked Penelo, wrapping her arms around her terrified best friend, "Are you guys hiding something from us?"

Basch sighed, "We need to tend to him first. Now is not the time for talk."

They took Balthier to his room, and Basch did not object when the others followed him and Fran inside.

"Penelo," he called gently, "There is a bottle of pills in the desk drawer in my room. Will you get them please? And hurry."

The girl nodded and hurried out of the room. Fran busied herself with rubbing Balthier's temples, ignoring Vaan's tears, a thing which Basch could not do.

"It's ok Vaan," he lied, "He'll be fine."

Vaan didn't have time to answer before Penelo rushed in with the pills. It was Fran who forced them down the pirate's throat as gently as she could.

"I will stay with him," she said, finally looking up at the others, "Captain Basch can explain well enough to you what has happened."

Basch explained everything as well as he could, but the truth was even he and Fran had no idea what was happening to Balthier.

"You should have told us," said Ashe angrily, "We might could have helped."

Basch gave her hand a gentle squeeze in way of apology, "He asked us not to say anything. He didn't want Vaan upset."

"Well too late," snapped Vaan, "I'm upset. Very upset. All this time I was starting to think that maybe Balthier was sneaking out in the middle of the night to meet you for very different reasons, and now I find out he was in this kind of pain while I was just lying in the other room not helping him!"

"Fran and I only did what Balthier asked," said Basch, "I'm sorry that you're upset but now that we're all up to date we need to try and figure out what is happening to him."

"If he's losing his mind he should be taken to a clinic," said Ashe, "We can't do much about it here."

Basch shook his head, "I do not believe he is simply losing his mind. Balthier is a young man, and this hit him too suddenly. If he were losing his mind it would be a gradual process, and there would not be the headaches."

"So you think someone is doing this to him?" asked Penelo, "I mean if it isn't a natural occurrence."

Basch nodded, "I don't know who they are, or how they're doing it…but someone is trying to kill Balthier."

Deep with the coils of the Strahl, the orange crystal burned brighter than ever before…

_To be continued…_

**Hope you enjoyed! Please review! Please! And I promise you some steamy Vaan/Balthier sex in the next chapter my freaky little darlings! **


	10. All that's waiting is regret

**And…we're…back…Welcome! I still do not own FFXII or its characters…and it's still a shame. Hope you are enjoying this crap, which is now officially my longest fic ever. Last chapter? Don't count on it. This one's rated M and I hope it won't be all smashed together like everything has been lately (site's fault) but please excuse it if it is. Remember that reviewing makes you a super duper cool person.**

**And I'm Doing Just Fine**

**Chapter 10: All that's waiting is regret**

Balthier tried to scream, for all he knew he might have succeeded, but he couldn't quite tell if any sound had escaped his throat or not. The pain behind his eyes was like a hot white light, searing its way into his brain. He silently prayed for death, anything to take away the pain. He felt cold and clammy, and he couldn't tell if he was sweating or just crying profusely, and honestly he didn't care either way.

"_Ffamran…"_

Balthier cursed under his breath, afraid that if he opened his eyes his father would really be standing there, real or not.

"_Ffamran…" chided the voice of Cid, "Don't fight it. There's nothing to be done about it anyway."_

He tried to tell him to go away, but he wasn't sure if the words came out or not. He opened his eyes and found that he was not in his room aboard the Strahl, but back in his father's study in Archades…

"Am I dreaming?" he asked as his father approached him.

Cid shrugged, "Yes and no. It's a side effect of your…condition…seeing things like this, thinking you're somewhere you're not."

"So I'm not really here?"

"What do you think?"

"I can't tell anymore," he said, "But I imagine the pain wouldn't hurt this much in a dream."

"If you came home I could help you."

Balthier took a step backwards.

"What?" his father asked innocently, "You think I'm going to harm you?"

"Wouldn't be the first time."

Cid sighed, "You're a fool Ffamran. You could have had everything. And just look at what you've become…a filthy pirate scum playing house with a disgusting little thief!"

"Don't you dare speak of Vaan that way!"

Cid's mouth twisted into an evil grin, "You're just going to ruin his life like you ruined your own. Why not let me help you? Come on son…come home."

"You lost the right to call me son a long time ago," sneered Balthier, unconsciously taking a step towards his father, "And I'll never come back. Not for anything, I'm not like you…you're just a crazy old man."

Cid's hand shot out, making hard contact across Balthier's left cheek, "Watch your tongue boy! You'll not talk to me like that in my own house."

"We're not in _your _house," sneered the pirate, "I'm imagining this whole thing! So I talk to you anyway I goddamn please!"

Cid hit him again, this time hard enough to bring blood from his lip, "Does this feel like a dream you arrogant little shit?"

Balthier didn't have a chance to answer before the next blow. The pain in his head almost blocked out the pain his father was inflicting on his face and chest. Finally he collapsed in an exhausted heap and began to throw up.

Fran had only left Balthier's side for a few seconds to wet a cloth to put on his forehead. Returning to his room, she let the cloth fall from her hands at the sight of him.

"Basch!" she yelled, running to the pirate's side with inhume speed, "Basch! Get in here now!"

Hearing the panicked tone in her voice the others burst into the room as fast as they could.

"What? What's wrong?" panted Basch, and then his eyes fell on the pirate, "Holy fucking shit…Fran? What the fuck happened to him?"

"I am unsure," she said, as close to upset as the others had ever seen her, "I left him for a few seconds…no more. When I returned he looked like this."

Basch didn't say anything for a moment; he stood there, shocked speechless by the pirate's bloodied face, "It looks like he was beaten," he said finally, "Fran you're sure no one could have gotten in here while you were gone?"

"As I said, I was only gone a few seconds."

"Besides," said Penelo, holding on to a shocked Vaan who was crying noiselessly, "we're the only ones on the ship. We'd know if someone else were here."

"Do you think this is tied in with his…condition?" asked Ashe.

Basch sighed, "I've no idea at this point. Something beyond our control is going on here and I have no idea what it is."

Fran cleaned Balthier up, grateful for his sake that he had lapsed into unconsciousness at some point.

Three days passed, and Balthier managed to get a little work done in spite of everything. Vaan tried to keep him in bed, but lying around so much made him uncomfortable, he did not enjoy pity.

He put the Strahl on autopilot for a while, content just to sit and watch the sky for a while, afraid that the pain would start again any minute.

"Whatcha thinkin bout?"

Balthier spun around at the sound of Vaan's voice and smiled, "I didn't hear you come in."

Vaan curled up in his pirate's lap, "Feeling ok?"

"I'm fine. Sorry I haven't been able to spend much time with you lately," he said, planting a kiss on the boy's nose, "I've missed you."

Vaan smiled, "It's not your fault."

Balthier pulled him close and swept a piece of blonde hair out of the boy's eyes, "I love you."

"I love you too."

Balthier traced his lips with a ringed finger, not trying to stop himself from getting lost in Vaan's eyes. They just sat there a moment, starring into the other's eyes, soaking in the moment. Balthier leaned in and captured Vaan's mouth with his own, one hand cupping the boy's cheek lightly, the other making short work of riding the boy of his vest.

Vaan lightly kissed the bruises that still dotted the pirate's neck and face as he struggled with the clasps on the back of his vest. Finally he succeeded and began to unbutton the pirate's crisp white shirt. Balthier however, impatiently stood, holding Vaan up around his waist as he kissed him fiercely. He led Vaan down to the floor and laid him down as he practically ripped his shirt off. He ran his hands through the boy's hair, "Tell me you love me," he panted as he clung to him desperately.

"I do love you Balthier. You know I do," Vaan whispered, letting his lips brush gently against the other's ear.

Their lips met again as Balthier hurriedly rid them of the rest of their clothes.

"Suck," he whispered, placing two fingers in Vaan's mouth.

Vaan let his tongue caress the pirate's fingers all the way up, until he felt the cold metal of Balthier's rings touch his lips. He didn't prepare the boy much; he didn't feel there was the time for it. Positioning himself to enter the boy, he kissed him again.

"Look at me," he ordered, "Just don't look away."

He pushed into Vaan slowly, not letting his eyes leave Vaan's for one second. He moved slowly at first, but as Vaan's moans deepened his speed increased. Vaan moaned and closed his eyes.

"Look at me Vaan!"

He increased his speed again as the blonde's eyes met his. Neither of them lasted but a moment longer before Balthier collapsed on top of Vaan, exhausted.

"That was nice," panted Vaan.

"Vaan…"muttered Balthier.

"Yeah?"

"Get my pills…hurry."

Vaan jumped up, grabbing for his pants. Balthier was already clutching his head, nearly unable to move…and somewhere aboard the ship the strange orange crystal was glowing brightly.

_To be continued…_

**Hope you enjoyed! Please review! Please!**


	11. The Nightmares that tear us apart

**And the plot thickens…welcome to chapter 11 of my official longest fic ever (crowd cheers). So I noticed that my paragraphs are still getting smashed together…try to ignore it if you can. I'm planning on keeping this fic going for a while so Pleassssse review so I'll know how it's going…please….oh, and I know these chapter titles are really random, but they are still all song lyrics. I'm putting Balthier's "spell" related visions and flashbacks in italics. Warning for rape.**

**And I'm Doing Just Fine**

**Chapter 11: The Nightmares that tear us apart.**

**The house of Dr. Cidolfus Bunansa-The day before Balthier leaves Rabanastre in chapter one.**

Dr. Cidolfus Bunansa paced back and forth in his study, waiting impatiently for his servant to return. Swallowing the last of his fourth drink, he cursed inwardly, wondering what was taking so long. It had taken him months to find the crystal, months of endless research and work, but he'd done it finally. It was a perfect weapon, small and easily overlooked. It contained a deep magic, one that could manifest a person's deepest fears and most painful memories until…snap!...it either drove them completely insane or killed them outright. Of course it had to be tested before Vayne could use it for his own use. It hadn't taken him long to decide on the perfect specimen to test its power on.

"At least you're finally going to be useful Ffamran," he thought aloud as he poured another drink.

"Sir?"

Cid turned around to face his servant, "Well? Is it done?"

The graying man nodded, "I just received word that the item in question has been successfully hidden aboard the Strahl."

"And no one saw anything? There's no chance of suspicion?"

"No Sir, everything went according to plan."

"And what of my son?"

"I was told he was seen at the inn, with five companions."

"Five companions? Well, it seems Ffamran has changed his ways. The last I heard he always traveled alone."

"Sir?"

"Yes."

"One of them is Princess Ashe. Another is Captain Ronsenburg."

Cid paused with his drink halfway to his lips, "Well, well, well…now what would the princess and her loyal dog be doing with a no good sky pirate bit of scum? And the others? Anyone of importance?"

"No Sir. Just a viera and two desert orphans. A boy and a girl. According to what I was told the pirate is in love with one of them."

"Ah! So Ffamran has found love then. With an orphan girl no less. Such a waste, the boy had promise once."

"Orphan boy Sir."

Cid narrowed his eyes, "Pirate scum. Now leave me, I've work to do."

The servant bowed and left the room, leaving Cid with his thoughts.

**The Strahl-The cockpit where we left Balthier and Vaan at the end of the last chapter.**

Balthier thought his head would explode; in fact, he almost hoped it would just so the pain would stop. He wasn't sure how long Vaan had been gone, but he was sure it was taking him longer than it should have to get the pills and get back. He attempted to find his pants, but his vision was blurred and his hands were shaking. In the end all he could do was lay there, shaking as the pain worsened. As the pain level hit an all new high he threw up, oblivious to the fact he pretty much just laid his head back down in the middle of it. He fought off the voices that invaded his mind, trying desperately to stay awake, to keep from slipping into that strange dream like world…but he just couldn't hold on…

"_Shut up and hold still boy…" commanded a gruff voice, and Balthier's eyes snapped open as he realized he was no longer aboard the Strahl, but someplace dark and all too familiar. Like when he'd found himself in his father's study, he wasn't sure if he were dreaming or not, but this time was different…this time, he realized with horror, he was being forced to relive one of his most painful memories._

_The man that stood before him, pinning his wrists above his head, smelled of various alcohol. Balthier was unsure of his name, but he knew his face. He was one of his father's research people, one of those strange men who helped his father with his experiments in the lab. If memory served him right, and this was not likely something he would ever forget, he was fifteen years old, and tonight was the annual Christmas party his father threw every year. "It's just a dream," he told himself as he was forced to his knees, "This is just a horrible memory. It isn't happening again," but it was hard to believe as he squeezed his eyes shut against the tears and tried not to gag. He could hear the party raging inside, knowing that out here in the middle of the dark garden no one would hear his screams over the music…and as he was thrown to the ground, and his virgin insides ripped apart…no one did ever hear his screams._

"Shouldn't he have woken up by now?"

Basch didn't answer the boy as he continued to pace back and forth beside the pirate's bed.

"Basch? Why hasn't he woken up by now? He's always better by now!"

"Goddamnit Vaan I don't know!" yelled the captain finally, "It's gotten worse, and I am not sure how much more he can take. And we still have no idea what the hell is wrong with him."

Vaan stayed silent for a moment, "You think he's going to die…don't you?"

"I don't know Vaan," the older man whispered, "I hope not."

"Do you think someone put a spell on him?" asked Ashe, "Maybe something happened to him after he left Rabanastre."

"No," said Fran, shaking her head, "He told me he came in no contact with anyone until we came to find him; he thought perhaps that had driven him to madness."

"Then maybe before he left Rabanastre," said Ashe, "but he didn't seem to be under a spell when I saw him leave the city…but perhaps it hadn't taken effect yet."

"Maybe," offered Penelo, "the spell wasn't put on Balthier himself…maybe it was put on the Strahl. I mean maybe it didn't take effect until he was already gone."

"Is there any way to find out if the ship has been tampered with Fran?" asked Basch.

Fran shook her head, "Not that I know of. We could contact Nono back in Rabanastre and see if any strangers were near the Strahl while it was in the aerodome…but it is unlikely that we will gain and useful knowledge.

"I think it's worth a try," said Basch, "It gives us a place to start anyway, which is more than we have now."

Fran nodded, "Stay with him, I will go and see if I can contact the moogles."

Deep with the ship the orange crystal burned brightly as it sent Balthier's mind back to all of his most painful and haunting memories. The others, oblivious to its existence, could only stand nearby and watch as the pirate tossed, moaned, and cried in his sleep as he relived every single torture of his past.

_To be continued…_

**Hope you enjoyed. Please review! Please!**


	12. To lose it all

**Sorry this chapter took so long but I can't type so well right now because I messed up my hand. I hope you enjoy it and please review! I still don't own em, and things are still smashing together. Oh and once again Balthier's "spells" are in italics.**

**And I'm Doing Just Fine**

**Chapter 12: To lose it all**

"The ship was checked thoroughly before Balthier left Rabanastre," said Fran, "There is no reason to think that anything was tampered with."

"I don't know Fran," said Basch, continuing to pace, "I don't like the sound of Imperials lurking near the ship."

"It is highly unlikely that the ship has been tampered with," she argued, "But I suppose it wouldn't hurt to go over the place once more."

"Basch will you stop pacing please," said Ashe, "Your making me nervous."

The captain sighed and stopped his pacing, taking a seat beside her, "I think we might as well forget about this hunt we were off to and turn the ship around. There is too much at stake here."

"I agree," said Vaan from where he sat by the pirate's side, "But I think we should take him to Larsa. There's no point in going back to Rabanastre now, plus Larsa might have people who know how to help Balthier. Besides, Archades is closer at this point."

"I'm not so sure staying in Archades right now would be a smart move for us," warned Basch, "The Imperials are already looking for us desperately, hiding under their noses doesn't seem like the best idea."

"I don't see where we have a choice," argued Vaan, "It's my fault he was out here alone in the first place Basch, I'm not about to let him die! I don't give a damn what we have to do!"

"Balthier is perfectly capable of taking care of himself," interrupted Fran, "There is no fault to be had in this."

"Fran's right Vaan," said Ashe, giving him a sympathetic look, "Whatever is going on here it is out of our control."

"I still think we should take him to Larsa," whined Vaan.

"Do I get a say in all this?"

"Balthier! You're awake!" exclaimed Vaan, "Are you ok? How do you feel?"

"Like hell," muttered the pirate as he ran a ringed hand through his hair, "But I've been worse."

"Do the spells continue to get worse?" asked Fran.

Balthier nodded, "Still no ideas about what all this means?"

No one said anything. The pirate sighed and stood up, realizing to late that he was still completely naked. He grabbed the sheet up at the last second and covered himself as Ashe and Penelo broke out into giggles, "Would you all mind?" he asked as he motioned them toward the door, "Wait…how did I get in here?"

Basch tried unsuccessfully to suppress a grin, "I carried you from the cockpit."

Balthier frowned, "You…carried me…naked?"

Basch laughed, "Yes Balthier, naked."

"So now half the people on this ship have seen me naked? Great…just great."

"Half?" giggled Ashe, "Sorry Balthier, but Penelo and I were there too."

Balthier couldn't hide the fact that he was mortified as the rest of the party giggled their way out of his room.

"Just a little routine check," Balthier told Penelo as they made their way to the Strahl's engines, "I want to make sure everything is in perfect working condition before I'm incapacitated again."

"You shouldn't talk like that Balthier," the girl chided, "Maybe it won't happen again."

"Just being practical my dear."

"Is that the earring Vaan got you for your birthday?" she asked, changing the subject.

Balthier nodded as his hand strayed to his left ear, "Yes it is."

"You're really in love with him aren't you?"

He gave her a cocky grin, "Like you are with Larsa." It was a statement, not a question. She was about to deny it when he interrupted her, "Don't worry I won't say anything, but I can tell dear girl. You don't hide it very well…neither does he for that matter. When we get to Archades you two should stop the ridiculous dance you two are doing and just come on out with it."

Penelo smiled, "I'd like that."

"I know you would," he said, smiling at her.

"You're going to stick around right?" she asked, "After the war is over I mean."

"What you're really asking Penelo is am I planning on leaving Vaan and taking off to the skies," he said.

"Yes I suppose I am."

"I intend to marry him if you must know," he said, avoiding her eyes.

"Oh my God! Are you serious!"

He smiled, "You don't think it's a good idea?"

"Of course I do! I just didn't expect…"

"A pirate to settle down," he finished for her.

She nodded, "I suppose I have to keep this a secret?"

"Yes please, I would like him to be surprised."

She smiled at him, "Well ask him soon Balthier, I'm not sure how long I can hold this one in."

"I'll try. Now come on, hold the flashlight still while I look this over."

Penelo raised the flashlight so that the light shined over the glinting metal of the first engine. Balthier sank down to one knee so that he could inspect the engine, his ringed fingers disappearing into a small bunch of cables.

"What the fuck…" he muttered as his hands closed around a small hard object, "There's…there's something back here."

Penelo raised the flashlight again so that he could see better, "What the hell is that?" she asked as the light hit a small orange object, "It looks like…like a crystal."

Balthier looked the crystal over for a moment before it started to glow brightly.

"Balthier, put it down! It's…it's doing something! Balthier!" she cried, but the pirate was already screaming in agony. Knowing there was nothing she could do to ease his pain; she dropped the flashlight and ran back through the Strahl to find the others, leaving the screaming sky pirate alone in the dark depths of his ship.

_When Balthier opened his eyes he was lying face down on a dirt floor. From the stench of urine and sweat, and the noise of the curses and fighting around him he knew he was in prison. He squeezed his eyes shut, knowing exactly what painful memory he was about to relive. This was a more recent memory, one that Balthier had only just begun to get over when he and Fran broke into the treasury and met Vaan. His thoughts were interrupted by the jangling of keys opening his cell door. There was no time left…this was happening now._

_He was led from his cell by a guard, who although did not treat the pirate too roughly was far from nice to him. He was led to a small room, one he remembered all too well. The room contained nothing but a chair and a table, which Balthier did not have to look at to know that on it rested an assortment of knives and needles. He knew he was about to be stripped bare to the waist and thrust down into the chair before the guard even thought about doing it. His hands were tied in front of him, and he knew that any minute two large men were going to walk through the door and begin to question him. They didn't really care if he answered or not, they enjoyed their jobs, and they were going to hurt him no matter what…mutilate was actually more like it. Balthier knew that this day in his past had given him most of the scars on his body._

_They started with the needles, and then worked their way up to knives. Within minutes his arms, chest, and back were slick with blood. He tried not to scream, not to give them the satisfaction, but he was so blinded by both the pain of the torture and the pain in his head that he couldn't tell if he was screaming or not. He was aware of being thrown to the floor, his face hitting the stone with a loud crack from his jaw._

"_Now pirate," laughed one of the men, "Let's make sure you can't hide what you are anymore."_

_Balthier squeezed his eyes shut as a hot poker; one he knew was in the shape of the letter P from the scar he knew all too well, was pressed into the small of his back. He screamed, or tried to anyway. Blackness was closing in on him, and he was grateful for it, but he knew they were not quite finished with him yet. Unconsciousness would be a luxury he would not be allowed to have._

_In too much pain to care, and knowing there was nothing he could do to stop it, he didn't struggle against them as he was raped by both men in turn. Reliving this memory was a little different from when it had actually happened only a year or so before, this time when he was taken back to his cell…he cried. He had been strong when he'd had to endure it once, but twice was just more than he could bear. He knew that Fran would rescue him in a matter of days, but even knowing that he wasn't sure he could survive living through all of it again until she arrived._

_To be continued…_

**Ok, I hope you enjoyed it. Please review! (Makes sad puppy face) Please! I realized I had completely forgotten about the earring that started this whole mess so I threw that in there. More to come, this one's gonna be a long one!**


	13. Make it stop

**Sorry to all you guys who have been waiting on this chapter for like two days, I should have done it before now. To be honest I almost said to hell with it and left it hanging completely, but I'm in a better mood now so I think I'll just go ahead with it. Hope you enjoy. Polite reviews are appreciated!**

**And I'm Doing Just Fine**

**Chapter 13: Make it stop.**

It seemed to Basch as he ran through the darkness of the Strahl, knowing the way only by following the sound of the hurried footsteps of the others in front of him, that they would never get any peace. As if their lives hadn't been stressful enough just trying to fight off Vayne and return Ashe to her throne, now they had Balthier to contend with, and none of them had any idea as to what to do to help him. Surprisingly enough, Ashe had not had too much to say about the delay that the unfortunate turn of events had brought to their quest. He supposed that she too was just too worried about the pirate to think about such things at that point. Every time Balthier lapsed into one of his "spells" Basch was afraid that he would never come out of it and it seemed like they lasted longer and longer every time, with the pain getting worse and worse. In fact, the pirate had started to act differently when he woke up now. He seemed tired and withdrawn, and had little to do with the others, including Vaan.

When they found him, Balthier was indeed crumpled in a heap near one of the engines just as Penelo had said. Basch knelt beside him, attempting to make sure he was still breathing.

"What is that?" asked Ashe, pointing to the orange crystal that lay beside Balthier. It was no longer glowing, and looked like nothing more than a decorative little stone.

"It was glowing before," stammered Penelo, "We didn't have time to see what it was doing before the "spell" took him over."

"You're telling me that Balthier's condition took hold as soon as this thing started glowing?" asked Vaan, picking up the stone.

Penelo nodded.

"Where did you find it?" asked Basch.

"Balthier found it down in those cables, behind the engine. He didn't know what it was."

Basch scowled and hoisted the limp pirate in his arms, "Let's get him to his room. Vaan, bring that crystal. I'd like to have a look at it."

It was Fran and Penelo who stayed with Balthier while the rest of the group went to the Strahl's main room to discuss the strange crystal Balthier had found only a few minutes before.

"I feel so bad," said Penelo, "I wish there was something we could do to ease his pain. Something besides just sitting here watching him suffer."

Fran didn't say anything, but Penelo thought she looked sad. Here she had been thinking so much about how this was affecting poor Vaan that she hadn't even thought about how Balthier's longtime partner and best friend was handling what was going on.

"I'm sure he'll be fine Fran," she whispered in an attempt to make the viera feel better.

Fran smiled somewhat, "I hope so. I fear he is running out of time."

"What makes you say that?"

"I can just feel his energy slipping away. As if he were being drained slowly."

Penelo frowned, "I'm sure Basch will figure out what to do."

Fran once again fell silent. She knew Balthier better than anyone in all Ivalice did, and she knew that this was a battle he was losing. She wasn't sure when Basch had become her partner's only chance of hope, but the children especially seemed to trust that the knight would fix everything in the end. Not that she didn't think Basch capable; she just did not see what he could do in such a case as this. She respected how hard he was trying, and she knew he couldn't bear to see Vaan so upset. Basch, she knew, thought of Vaan in much the same way she thought of Balthier…like a small child that needed protecting almost.

Hours passed, and Balthier did not wake. Not only did he remain unconscious but he did not move in the slightest. Up until now his "spells" had always contained a large amount of tossing and turning, moaning…crying. But not this time. The pirate had not so much as twitched since they'd found him. He just lay there, covered in a thin layer of sweat, looking too pale and breathing too shallowly. Someone stayed with him at all times, and Fran and Vaan mostly insisted on staying with him. It would be another hour before they landed near the entrance to the Sochen Cave Palace, the route they would take to sneak into Archades. A message had been sent to Larsa to meet them on the other side of the palace, in hopes he would be able to make sense of all that had happened, or at least use his influence to help them find someone who could help Balthier.

Balthier's eyes fluttered open for a few seconds, but his vision was blurry. Afraid he was still in his dream like memory he closed his eyes tightly again. He thought he heard a soft voice, and opened his eyes once again. He couldn't tell who loomed over him, but the voice seemed soft and caring, although he couldn't tell what they were saying. "Make it stop," he pleaded with whom or whatever spoke to him, "Please just make it stop." And then his eyes closed and blackness consumed him again.

It was the tone of Balthier's voice that scared Fran the most. Never in all their travels had she heard him sound so…broken. Nor had she heard him beg. The desert boy, had luckily fallen asleep beside Balthier, and had not had to endure seeing him so unlike himself. She placed a cool rag on her partner's head, hoping against all odds that he would make it through this.

_To be continued…_

**Hope you enjoyed! Please review!**


	14. Don't come back for me

**And we're back…Hope your enjoying this story, which is still far from over…believe me. Review please because I'd really like to know what you think. I still don't own em, I just write about em. And please bear with this story as I'm not claiming it's like a best-selling novel or anything. Balthier's spells are still in italics.**

**And I'm Doing Just Fine**

**Chapter 14: Don't come back for me**

There was some debate as to how to get the unconscious pirate through the Sochen Cave Palace with as little trouble as possible. It was Penelo's opinion that they rent chocobos, that way no one would have to carry Balthier, and fiends would be less likely to attack them. The problem with this of course was that they would have to do quite a bit of backtracking in order to get the chocobos, and Basch was uncertain that the chocobos would even be willing to enter the dark palace. Basch thought the simple answer would just be for him to carry the pirate, but both Fran and Ashe didn't think it a good idea to have the party's best fighter trek through the palace with arms full of unconscious sky pirate. In the end, they decided to simply build a stretcher and take turns helping to carry it.

Its construction was simple enough, but it was nearly dark by the time everything was ready to go. Vaan of course thought they should go ahead anyway, and he refused to listen to the others when they suggested they wait until morning. Basch held his ground for a while, but the boy insisted, and eventually he gave in. It took both Fran and Vaan to dress the pirate, as much as possible anyway, since they saw no point in struggling with the elaborate vest he usually wore. Vaan couldn't help but think Balthier looked smaller, more fragile, lying there without his signature vest and jewels, his hair mussed up, and his complexion too pale. It unnerved him, and he was sure the others felt the same way; it was a little frightening to see someone like Balthier so broken.

Once inside the dark palace, even Vaan wished they had waited until morning to start their journey. It was near impossible to see two feet in front of you, and he was sure he could hear some low growling and strange noises in the darkness. Their party was led by Ashe, who lit the way as best as she could with a small torch. Basch and Vaan came next with the stretcher, with Fran and Penelo bringing up the rear. The few fiends they ran into were quickly taken care of by Fran's bow or Penelo's sword, and for the first couple of hours things went smoothly. Eventually they camped, as Larsa wasn't to meet them until the following night anyway.

After getting settled, Basch examined the strange orange crystal for the millionth time.

"Still no ideas?" asked Ashe, stirring the knight from his thoughts.

"None," he muttered, "Part of me thinks this thing has something to do with what is happening to Balthier, but I've never heard of any crystal with such powers. And even if there was one, why Balthier? Why haven't the rest of us been affected?"

"There are a lot of strange things in the world we don't understand," she said, "I suppose anything is possible." She poked the fire with a twig before adding, "Do you think Larsa can help us?"

Basch sighed, "It's a stretch to think so. We've no reason to believe Larsa knows anything of such things, but we've no one else to turn to. At least he has influence with others, he might know of someone who can help."

"I've never seen such an illness before," said Ashe, "or even heard of any like it. What do you think is happening to him? You know, when he is unconscious like this."

Basch shrugged, "He's obviously in pain, and the bruises and cuts he wakes up with are real enough. Somehow someone is hurting him without actually being here to touch him, we know that much, but how…I have no idea."

"It would help if he would tell us what he can remember when he wakes up," she said, "I know he says he doesn't remember anything but his eyes tell me he's lying. I think he has a better understanding of what is happening than we think he does."

"I agree, I just usually feel too sorry for him to press the matter."

While Basch and Ashe spoke by the fire, the others tended to Balthier, who was now burning up with a fever, and still didn't seem to be any better. His stillness was unnerving, and eventually Vaan just couldn't stand by and watch anymore, so Fran suggested that he and Penelo get some sleep. She was relieved when the children agreed and settled down to sleep a small distance away. She was not used to being around so many Humes, and sometimes she wished for the days when it had been just her and Balthier, flying wherever they chose. Not that she disliked the others, but Viera were solitary creatures, and it had taken her years to even be comfortable traveling with Balthier. She could feel his energy slipping away, she could feel him dying. Whatever it was, it was eating him away from the inside out, and nothing they had done had made any difference so far. They may have lessened the pain a little for him in the beginning, but now even her remedies did nothing to help him. Something caught her eye, and she looked over to see the orange crystal glowing brightly in Basch's hand. The moment it started to glow…Balthier screamed.

The others gathered around them as fast as lightning. The small crystal, still clutched in Basch's hand, was glowing brightly and emitting a low eerie humming sound. Balthier continued to scream as if his life depended on it, but his eyes never opened.

"Break it Basch!" screamed Vaan, "Just break the damn thing it's hurting him!"

Basch nodded, and placed the glowing crystal the stone floor and struck it with his sword as hard as he could…but nothing happened.

_Balthier was afraid to open his eyes, afraid he would find himself back in his prison cell. He wasn't sure how long he lay there, but at some point he realized that wherever he was, it was very quiet. In fact, he could swear he heard birds chirping. He opened his eyes, and found himself staring at an elaborately painted ceiling. Sitting up cautiously, and ignoring the pain in his head, he found that he had been lying on a comfortable bed with expensive, crisp, white sheets. He knew exactly where he was, having spent the first seventeen years of his life sleeping in this bed and waking up to the beautiful painting that graced the ceiling of his room. He was unsure as to what day this was, or even how old he was in this memory or whatever the hell it was that he had been experiencing. He got out of bed, wondering if he should venture downstairs to see what was in store for him. Nothing seemed to be amiss, and Balthier wondered if it was possible that he was reliving a pleasant memory for once when he heard a gunshot ring throughout his father's house…and suddenly he knew exactly what horrible memory he was in._

_The first time he'd had to go through this day he had been about five years old, and it had been this day that had also driven his father to eventual madness. He knew, as his weak legs carried him downstairs, that he would find his mother's body in the library, along with a note that asked for forgiveness. He wasn't sure why he was unable to resist letting it all play out like it had so many years ago, but somehow his legs wouldn't stop moving toward the disaster in the library no matter how hard he tried to make them. He opened the library door, trying in vain to close his eyes against the horror that lay before him. He had not been especially close to his mother, but he'd loved her dearly, and seeing her staring at him with lifeless eyes as a growing pool of blood soaked the carpet around her was too much for him to bear. _

Basch stared in horror as the crystal refused to break under his sword. There was nothing any of them could do but try and calm the pirate as best they could. It was some time before the crystal stopped glowing, and Balthier simultaneously calmed down.

"Well I think that proves whatever that thing is is doing this to Balthier," panted Penelo, as she leaned back against the cave wall to catch her breath.

Basch nodded, "So it would seem. If he is calm we should get some rest, we've no idea if its power will take him again tonight and we have a long journey ahead."

"I'll take first shift," muttered Vaan, and seeing the look of despair on his face no one bothered to argue with him.

It surprised Vaan when he looked over at Balthier and found the pirate staring back at him.

"Feeling ok?" he asked, knowing the answer already but not knowing what else to say.

Balthier attempted a smile, but failed miserably, "I've been better."

"What's happening to you Balthier?," asked Vaan as he moved closer so that Balthier could lay his head in his lap.

The pirate gratefully rested his head in the boy's lap and let him stroke his hair, "I don't know."

"You need to tell me what happens when you pass out. We need to know what you see."

Balthier sighed and closed his eyes, "Vaan I really don't feel up to this right now."

"I know you don't but I need you to try."

Balthier ignored the question, "Where are we? Where are we going?"

"The Sochen Cave Palace, we're going to meet Larsa to see if he can help figure out why this crystal is doing this to you. Now answer the question."

"Crystal?"

"The one you found behind the engine. It's what is doing this to you. Now seriously Balthier you need to tell me what happens to you when you lose consciousness."

Balthier seemed to think a moment before answering, "I'm not sure. It's like I'm in a dream except I can feel pain. It's always a memory from my past but I can feel the current pounding in my head and my age doesn't seem to change. It's like I'm passing through every horrible thing that has ever happened to me, and feeling it all over again as if it were happening now."

Vaan's facial expression saddened, "I swear I'll figure out some way to help you. I'll fix this and everything will go back to normal."

Balthier managed a weak smile, "There are worse things I could go through. At least you're here when I wake up."

"I love you Balthier, just try and rest. Everything is gonna be ok."

He thought he heard Balthier whisper a fragile sounding "love you too" , but when he looked down at the pirate, the blackness had already claimed him.

_To be continued…_

**Hope you enjoyed! Reviewing is polite!**


	15. If you can hear me

**Greetings all! Hope you're enjoying the story so far. This chapter has been causing me some problems so bear with me. Please review!**

**And I'm Doing Just Fine**

**Chapter 15: If you can hear me**

When they finally emerged from the darkness of the palace they found Larsa waiting for them just as promised. Balthier had not woken since he'd fallen back into unconsciousness the night before and twice that day the orange crystal had begun to glow, sending him into fits of screams and whimpers. They had all agreed that the crystal was responsible in some way for Balthier's plight, but none of them had ever heard of a crystal with such powers. Basch was surprised to find that Larsa was alone as he greeted him.

"Lord Larsa," he said, nodding his head in acknowledgement, "Thank you for coming."

Larsa nodded, "It's the least I could do, I hope I am able to help. Now what is it that seems to be the problem, your message was somewhat vague."

Basch nodded in the direction of the pirate, whose stretcher was now being carried by Vaan and Fran, "Balthier is…well…something has happened to him."

"He was injured?" asked Larsa, approaching the stretcher and sparing a smile for Penelo.

"No," said Basch, "He is under the influence of this." He pulled out the crystal and handed it to Larsa.

"What is it?"

"We were hoping you would be able to help us with that."

Larsa shrugged as he examined it further, "What do you mean by he's under its influence? What is it doing to him?"

"It seems to put in him some type of trance or something. He is in pain and screams a lot."

"It somehow makes him relive his most painful memories," interrupted Vaan, earning a surprised look from the others, "He told me last night. He says it's like a dream but he can feel pain."

"And you think the crystal is responsible?"

No sooner had Larsa spoke than the crystal started to glow, and Balthier began to scream. Larsa watched him intently, still holding the glowing crystal in one hand, "I believe," he said, turning away from Balthier to face Basch and Ashe, "that this crystal was made in the laboratory at Draklor."

"You've heard of it?" asked Vaan hopefully, "Do you know how to stop it?"

Larsa frowned, "I have overheard my brother speak of such a crystal, it cannot be destroyed my normal means. There is only one sword that can destroy the properties it is made of, and that sword has been lost deep within the Pharos of the Ridorana Cataract."

"Why would this crystal be hidden aboard the Strahl?" asked Penelo, "And why does it only affect Balthier?"

"_If_ this is the crystal I have heard about," said Larsa, "And I'm not certain that it is, it was created to target a specific person, basically to torture them with their own memories until it kills them. I imagine Dr. Cidolfus wanted to test it."

"Will he die if we don't get that sword?" asked Vaan, trying not to sound as terrified as he felt.

Larsa gave the boy a sympathetic look, "I'm afraid so."

Basch sighed, "We'd best hurry then."

"One more thing," said Larsa, "This sword has not been seen in a thousand years. Some say it doesn't even exist, but it is said that it will appear only to one who speaks the true meaning of his existence."

"What the hell does that mean?" asked Vaan.

"I have no idea. I'm just telling you what I heard. I wish I could help you more, but you are lucky my brother talks too much after a few glasses of wine."

Basch nodded, "Thank you Larsa."

"My ship is nearby; I will take you back to the Strahl so that you may get a quick start on your journey. Time is of the essence, and it appears that time is not something Balthier has to spare."

They boarded Larsa's ship one by one, and Penelo hung back so as to get a chance to speak to Larsa alone. He smiled when he saw her, and she wondered if what Balthier had told her before was true, that Larsa really did feel the same for her as she did for him.

"It's been far too long since we last ran into each other," he said.

She nodded, "It's good to see you Larsa."

"You look beautiful by the way."

She blushed and tried not to giggle, "Thank you."

"I had hoped we would be able to see more of each other. Perhaps once this mess has been resolved, we could…"

Her emotions must have overcome her because she rushed forward and cut his words off with a kiss.

"…do that," he finished once her lips left his own.

She smiled, "I was hoping you'd feel that way."

This time it was he who leaned in, stealing her lips with his own, "Promise you'll come see me when this is over," he said.

"I promise."

Larsa slipped his hand into hers and led her up the ramp of his ship to where the others were waiting, smiling knowingly to themselves.

Penelo blushed as she thought she heard Basch mutter something that sounded a lot like, "About damn time."

Larsa returned them to the Strahl, and they began the long journey to the Ridorana Cataract, their hopes higher than they had been in days.

Balthier's mind raced back into different horrible moments of his past, sometimes it was just images…Vaan getting injured or his father's abuse…and other times it was full-fledged memories he was forced to relive. He tried to call out to the others in his pain, but he wasn't sure if he was making any sound.

"Please," he begged, "If you can hear me, please just make it stop!"

_To be continued…_

**Wow I had a hard time with that one, but the good news is I know how this is all gonna end now (maybe three chapters or so left) Sorry this one was so short! Let me know what you think! **


	16. If I should die this very moment

**This is probably the next to last chapter; it just depends on how it goes. I hope you're enjoying it, and please review. Sorry that things are getting smashed together, and sorry if ppl aren't perfectly in character. I realize that Penelo and Larsa scene wasn't really believable in the last chapter but I had a hard time with them. Hope you enjoy, I've had a lot of fun writing this story so far.**

**And I'm Doing Just Fine**

**Chapter 16: If I should die this very moment**

The Pharos was hard to navigate to say the least, and it didn't help that they had no idea where they were going. Larsa had been incredibly vague on the sword's location, so they had no idea where to look, or even what the damn thing looked like, but no one voiced these thoughts. For the first time since Balthier's illness began they had something to go on, something to work towards in an effort to save him, and not one of them was about to take that feeling away from the others. It was especially Vaan and Fran who had been affected, both caring for Balthier such a great deal, and Basch could tell by looking at the two that they had become emotionally and mentally exhausted from worrying so much about the pirate.

Not that the others weren't worried too, Basch himself was surprised by how much the group fell apart without Balthier. He was surprised by how much he himself missed hearing Balthier's cocky wisecracks, and as far as battles went, he now realized how much the pirate had contributed. They had found it hard to lose one of their strongest fighters, not to mention Balthier was one of the more experienced with magic. Not that anyone had realized until now just how many of the spells they usually relied on had come from Balthier.

There were more than a fair amount of difficult fiends to fight in this area, so it fell to Penelo and Ashe, the weakest fighters of the group, to carry the unconscious pirate's stretcher while the others cleared the way for them. They had been traveling the corridors for hours, using way stone after way stone and more often than not ending up right where they'd started. Basch was sure to open every treasure coffer, hoping every time to find a magical sword, but so far they'd only found a couple of gil and a few potions. It wasn't like they had expected to find the sword right away, but they couldn't help but to get a little discouraged when they continued to find nothing. None of the inscriptions that dotted the place even mentioned such a sword, and since Larsa had said nothing as to its supposed location, they were at a loss. Had Balthier not looked so small and broken, they might have given up.

Vaan and Fran searched with the most energy, and Basch thought the viera almost seemed panicked, something he'd never imagined he'd see.

"Basch," said Penelo, snapping him out of his thoughts.

"Hmm?"

She pointed to his pocket, from which a faint orange glow was emitting.

"Shit," he muttered, rushing to cover the pirate's mouth before he could scream, and attract the attention of every fiend in the damn place. Of course he was not entirely successful at muffling the screams, but it seemed after a minute that nothing was going to attack them. Usually Balthier's screams stopped after a few minutes and then he just slept for a while, but this time he continued to scream. His eyes were open, but Basch didn't think he could see them.

_A white light exploded behind Balthier's eyes, and the pain that flooded his head was unbearable. He thought he was screaming, but he couldn't hear anything. His vision was a blurry fog, and he couldn't tell where he was. He shook his head in an attempt to clear his vision, and he realized he was standing in a very beautifully decorated room. He took a step forward, suddenly realizing by the clinking sound his footsteps made that he was dressed in the armor of an Archadian judge. He heard a small rustling sound behind him, and turned around to see his father sitting behind a desk, shuffling through some papers. He had to think a moment before he remembered the room as his father's office at his laboratory. _

"_Ffamran!"_

_He looked back up at his father, nearly dropping the heavy helmet he held under his arm, "What?"_

"_Shouldn't you start your journey? The sooner you get going the sooner I'll know the effect of the virus."_

_Balthier, confused, looked around a moment, "The what?"_

_Cid sighed angrily, "The virus you idiot! The one in the vial I just gave you! You have to release it on the prisoners I've selected in Nalbina quickly so that I can study the results."_

_Balthier's mouth hung open a moment, he was starting to remember which memory this was, "You want me to what?"_

_Cid rose angrily from his chair and approached his son, "Ffamran we've been over this! Now do what I tell you! You've no right to question my orders!"_

"_I can't release a virus on innocent people."_

"_They aren't innocent, they're criminals."_

"_Still. I won't do it."_

_Balthier didn't flinch when his father's hand made contact with his face; he was too used to it by now. He didn't say anything, but let his helmet fall to the floor, "I'm through with this," he said finally, "I don't want to do this anymore."_

"_That is not your choice to make Ffamran."_

_Balthier didn't say anything, but turned and walked away._

"_Ffamran! Don't you dare walk away from me! If you walk out that door I'll have every head hunter in Ivalice after you!"_

_Balthier didn't look back as he left everything he'd ever known behind. How had it come to this? How had his father become such a cold hearted killer?_

They couldn't move on with the way Balthier was screaming. His screams echoed off the walls around them, and even Basch's hand clamped tightly over his mouth didn't keep him quiet. He couldn't seem to hear them, and his eyes were covered in a cloudy film.

"What's wrong with his eyes?" Vaan asked, terrified.

Basch sighed and looked to Fran, giving her a chance to say what he couldn't bring himself to say, knowing how much it would upset Vaan. He waited a minute, but Fran obviously wasn't going to say it so finally he had no choice.

"I believe he's gone blind Vaan."

The sound the boy made broke his heart. They needed that damn sword, and they needed it now.

_To be continued…_

**Hope you enjoyed! I don't know why this story keeps switching back to Basch's p.o.v but oh well. Next chapter will be the last! Please review!**


	17. The Answers in the Mist

**Welcome to the very last chapter of And I'm Doing Just Fine. I've got to say I've really enjoyed writing this one, and I hope you've enjoyed reading it. Please review it, cuz it makes me feel all warm and fuzzy. Stay tuned for my next story: Deck the Strahl, A FFXII Holiday Special. **

**And I'm Doing Just Fine**

**Chapter 17: The Answers in the Mist**

The screams of the pirate continued. They bounced off the wall in an eerie way that made the hairs on the back of Basch's neck raise. Balthier was thrashing around now, his eyes wide open but seemingly dead to the world. Vaan and Penelo were both crying soundlessly, and Fran and Ashe looked on in grave silence, afraid to speak or move. The five of them attempted to hold the pirate down, but he continued to rip himself from their grip.

"I should go and continue the search for the sword," said Basch, furrowing his brow.

"Give it up Basch we don't even know where it is, and there's that riddle Larsa told us about," cried Penelo, "We have no idea what that even means!"

Basch frowned, "We still have to try!"

"We need you here!" the girl pressed, "What are we supposed to do if you go?"

Basch shook his head, "Just try and keep him as calm as you can. I…I don't know what else to tell you."

"I will go with you," said Fran to everyone's surprise, "I cannot bear to watch this, and you need help in your search."

Basch nodded, "I'm sorry, but we have to try," he said to the others, "We'll be back as soon as we can."

Penelo cursed under her breath as Fran and Basch left them there, trying unsuccessfully to hold Balthier in place as he screamed and tossed and turned. Ashe said nothing, but Penelo could tell she was upset, and was searching her mind for a plan as to what to do. She tried her best not to look at Balthier's eyes, which were still covered in a milky white film that disturbed her more than she cared to admit to herself.

"Vaan," she asked finally, "What do we do?"

Her young friend didn't answer, and he didn't take his eyes off Balthier. The three of them held him down as best as they could, but there was nothing they could do to ease his pain.

Ashe finally spoke, "Have you thought at all about what the riddle may mean?"

Penelo shook her head, "I've tried, but I…I just don't understand."

Vaan said nothing.

Basch strode away quickly without looking back and Fran had trouble keeping up in spite of her long legs. He had no idea as to exactly where he was going, all he knew was that he was running out of time. The pair made their way down a dark corridor that was full of twists and turns and soon Basch could see the faint glowing of yet another way stone.

"I do not think we should use the stone," said Fran, touching Basch lightly on the arm in order to stop him, "We do not know where it leads."

"It probably takes us to another level," he said, "besides I think we should split up. We'll cover more ground that way."

The viera nodded, and without another word started off down a small flight of stairs. Basch watched her go before touching the way stone and disappearing from sight.

_Balthier couldn't see anything but a bright white light, and the pain in his head had intensified to the point that he couldn't think straight. He wasn't sure how long he had been "trapped" in this strange place, but he was relieved that he seemed to be alone there. There didn't seem to be anything there but himself. The pain was beyond anything he'd ever felt before in his life, and he tried to stand up, but couldn't, and then he heard someone._

"Balthier? Balthier? Calm down."

_The pirate stopped tossing and turning and listened as hard as he could._

"Hey, Penelo! It worked! I…I think he can hear me!"

"_Vaan?" he called, "Vaan where are you?"_

Vaan, Penelo, and Ashe hovered over the pirate, who seemed to be fully awake.

"Balthier? Can you hear us?" Vaan asked again, grabbing the pirate's hand.

Balthier squeezed Vaan's hand tightly, "Am I awake or are you guys in my dream?"

"You're awake. You need to stay calm, I know it hurts but Basch and Fran have gone to try and find the sword," explained Ashe.

Balthier's mind reeled with questions, "Why can't I see?" he asked quickly, suddenly afraid. He heard Vaan make a pitiful noise, "Don't worry about that right now Balthier. Is…is there anything we can get you?"

"My head is going to explode," he muttered, closing his eyes.

"Stay awake Balthier, please try," pleaded Ashe.

Balthier opened his eyes halfway, "I don't think I can."

"You have to try," said Vaan, "I know it hurts."

"Am I blind? I…I can't see…everything is white."

No one said anything, and Vaan started to sob harder. Balthier squeezed the boy's hand tighter, "It's ok Vaan," he whispered, "We'll work through it."

Fran could feel Balthier slipping away. She knew they were out of time, and she debated on whether or not to give up her search and hurry back to Balthier's side to see him through his last moments. She decided on the latter, knowing she didn't have time to continue looking for a sword that probably didn't exist. They would have been better off marching straight to Draklor and forcing Dr. Cid to fix whatever was wrong with her partner. She turned a dark corner, and ran straight into Basch.

"What are you doing here? I thought you took the way stone to a different area."

Basch sighed in aggravation, "I got lost. Did you find anything?"

Fran shook her head, "We need to get back to Balthier. His time is up."

"You're sure?"

She nodded, "We have to hurry. There is no time to continue our search."

Balthier couldn't keep his eyes open, the pain was still intense, but a different sensation had overcome him. He was tired, and his body was begging him to close his eyes and give up, just let the darkness engulf him. It didn't matter if he woke up or not.

"Please Balthier," he heard Vaan beg, "You've got to try."

He forced his eyes open for a second or two, still searching desperately for the boy's face, but he couldn't see anything beyond the bright white light. He heard footsteps approach, and then felt a familiar touch on his cheek.

"Fran?" he asked turning his head toward the touch, "Is that you?"

"I am here," she whispered, "Are you comfortable?"

"As much as can be expected," he muttered, his breath becoming more forced, "How…how much time?"

The viera sighed, "It will not be long now."

"Don't say that!" bellowed Vaan through his sobs, "He isn't going to die! He can't!"

"Vaan," whispered Balthier soothingly, pulling the boy down next to him, "It's ok. Listen to me, I…I love you, and I want…you…" he stopped a moment to grind his teeth in pain before continuing with shallow, forced breaths, "I want…you…to move on. Take care of…Fran will you?"

He felt the boy nod against his chest, "Fran?"

"I am here."

"Take care of my ship," he joked.

The viera came as close to smiling as the others had ever seen, "I will Balthier. Do not worry."

Balthier struggled to breathe, and his eyes were wide in an eerie sort of way that told the others around him that this was the end. Basch was sure Balthier was about to take his last breath when he heard Vaan whimper, "I love you Balthier."

A bright light erupted throughout the room, and there was a slight tremor that ran through the stone floor. Penelo, Ashe, and Basch…who had been standing, were thrown against the walls and down to the ground as a magnificent sword, one unmatched in beauty and majesty by any weapon Basch had ever seen, appeared before them. He didn't hesitate to attempt to grab it,

"Vaan!" he yelled over the loud hum that emitted from the sword, "I think you have to be the one to destroy the crystal!"

"Me? Why me?"

"I think you summoned the sword!"

"What the hell are you talking about?"

"I think when you told Balthier you loved him you answered the riddle!"

"That's ridiculous! That can't be the answer!"

"Just try and grab the sword!" he yelled, reaching into his pocket and grabbing the crystal and throwing it to the ground, "Hurry! Balthier doesn't have much time!"

Vaan glanced in the pirate's direction and then back to the sword. Finally he sprang forward and grabbed it. He wasn't pushed away like Basch had been, and both the sword and the crystal glowed brighter than they had been before. He raised the sword above his head and brought it down on the crystal with one fluid motion. A loud crack erupted from the crystal, and the room was completely engulfed in a blinding light.

They watched in amazement as the sword vanished from Vaan's hand.

Balthier felt the pain lift from head immediately, and he attempted to sit up with Fran's help.

"Did it work?" asked Penelo, still afraid that Balthier would collapse again.

The others rushed to the pirate's side. "How do you feel?" asked Basch.

Balthier shook his head, "I still can't see."

Basch cast a blindga spell, "I'm not sure if it will work Balthier. These have not been normal circumstances."

They all waited for several minutes, but the milky layer covering the pirate's eyes didn't fade. Vaan kissed Balthier gently, "Let's just not worry about it now. The important thing is that the crystal is destroyed, and you're ok now," he said.

Balthier nodded half-heartedly, "Right."

Once back on the Strahl they spent several days resting, and Balthier's strength was returning slowly. He couldn't help but be depressed about the loss of his sight, even though Fran had promised to visit the Eruyt Village as soon as possible to try and find a cure. He was sitting in the pilot's chair, wishing he could see the sky when he heard someone walk up behind him.

"You doing ok?"

He lifted his head in the direction of Vaan's voice and shrugged. The boy lowered himself into the pirate's lap and kissed him gently on the forehead.

"We'll get your eyes fixed Balthier. Don't worry. I just…I thought I'd lost you ya know."

Balthier smiled, "You'll never lose me Vaan. In fact…I was going to wait but…" he paused a moment and pulled one of his rings off his slender finger, "Vaan I want you to marry me."

He wished he could have seen the look on his face, and he started to get a little nervous as a silent minute stretched by, "Vaan?"

The boy's lips met his own. "Is that a yes?" asked the pirate.

Vaan laughed, "Of course it's a yes."

They set course for the Eruyt Village, and Balthier promised Penelo that he would make sure that they would stop by and see Larsa when she told him she had taken his advice and told him how she felt. And as they set off on their newest journey Balthier thought that maybe things weren't all that bad. _Yes_, he thought to himself as he lay in bed that night with Vaan by his side, _I'm doing just fine._

_The End._

**There will be a sequel to this story soon about Balthier getting his sight back. I really hope you enjoyed it, this last chapter did not come together the way I had hoped so Please Review. **


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